People seem to look straight pass me. I'm nice most of the time, I present myself well, I'm just quiet, I just don't know how to spark up a conversation or address them. They always ask other people about me instead of coming to me head on. I don't know why I'm so hard to approach or to spark up a conversation with.
Did I make it so hard for you to come to me? Did I disrespect you? What can I do to make it better? How can I make it to where you have more patience with me and my issues?
I'm just tired of being around the wrong people all the time. It seems like all they worry about is the wrong thing like what someone is wearing, how ugly/cute a person is, how much money they have, what material things are, and the list goes on and on. It's not like people want to be bothered with you if you don't want to talk about the stupid things they talk about.
Sometimes I wish there were more people out there like me – who knew what they wanted out of life, where they wanted to go, who they wanted to hang around, and why. Today is Thanksgiving, a day I dread because people will be looking to me again to spark something up or asking the person next to me, "What's wrong with her?"
They blame me for these "attitude problems" when it's really not an "attitude" at all. It's the way I am. I just feel as though I don't exist, like I don't matter. I just want to be told that it's okay and that I am not the problem. I don't want to be blamed for this, anything but this.
I feel as though I know why I'm here but there is something preventing me from exploring it. I do wonder what's the point of me suffering the way that I am, both emotionally, mentally, and physically, though. I don't know if people would miss me if I left because I feel like a waste of space. No one really knows me and no one really cares about what will happen to me if I were to go. I feel like they may miss what I had, but not me.