As my title says I am so confused and anxious right now. I don't know if I still have OCD. I'm so afraid that it has turned into something else, something more serious like bipolar and my crazy thoughts are manic thoughts. I keep questioning my feelings for my family, children and my partner and even my other family. I want to feel love towards them like I use to fell but the more I think about it the more I feel anxious and not feeling the love and affection. I feel disconnected from them and sometimes on my good days the love and caring comes and I feel alive. I probably am suffering a little bit if depersonalisation but I hope it's only that mixed with anxiety. At my mad moments like then one I'm in now I feel like I can't think and my thoughts and actions are coming from somewhere else. My children will upset me and I'd be harsh with them and curse and shout which I hate my self for afterwards. I use to have thoughts of harming my kids which was the worst ever and I also had sexual thoughts towards a family member and any chance I had I avoided that person but thankfully that thought passed but the harm thoughts are still there just not as bad and not with as much anxiety as before which bothers me even more. At least when I had anxiety and was depressed over it I could prove my self that I felt bad about it and it would never happen. Now I just feel mad/crazy and keep thinking I may be bipolar as I had a good weekend and was much calmer then usual and had more patience. At the moment I feel gloomy or more like disconnected from the world. Can't feel the connection with people or things around but I know that I want to feel it and want well for everyone especially my family. I don't want to feel like a monster and I want to be certain of my feelings and emotions. I'm tired of feeling numb and only expressing the anger when things don't go my way. I will speak to my psychiatrist on Thursday and hopefully I'll start on some treatment but would love to try something natural first.