So no one who hasn't beenthrough it understands it. I could try to explain how i feel mentally, emoitionally, and physically. Everyone seems to be frustrated with me. I am frustrated with me. But I see no hope, no way of digging out of this hole. Depression can't be fixed by yelling at me or telling me to just get over it or "stop being a baby". I've lost supposed friends. Although I am surrounded by people who love me, I feel alone. I have been dealing with this for over 20 years. How it feels is impossible to explain. I guess why I'm writing this is because I have no one to talk to right now, cause all I do is cry, and the response I get is you have a wonderful life, why are you so sad, you have nothing to cry about and I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems or sadness. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me.I do have a great career but there is a constant heavy feeling around me. I have tried almost everything, medications and therapy don't seem to help. I am tired of being constantly being tired. I am tired of being sad. I am tired of wanting be alone all the time. I can't remember the last time I was truely happy. And all these people who claim to be my friends and said they cared about me disappear when things get tough for me. So I sit alone in my apartment and cry. I know I should get out and do something but I just can't seem to take the first step. I tried to explain it to someone the other day theysaidthey understood and would be there for me and has been avoiding me ever since, when I need them the most. It's frustrating.I feel lied too. I hate that my life is basically crippled by my depression. I know there is no easy fix. But whenis something going to giveand at least letme feel some joy. I am not even asking for completehappiness, just some. Ilook atother people and can't even imagine beingas happyand as confident as them. Just so frustrated.

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