Why? thats the question that keeps going through my mind, why do i feel like this? Why am i always sad? Why cant i be normal? Why doesn''t anyone understand? Im tired of asking myself these questions. At the moment i am only just learning about my illness and i now know i have 2 illnesses to learn about, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. Which seems even more difficult to deal with. I have printed off loads of information and have a but on GAD to read up on everything, my main problem is my husband, he doesnt seem to understand what the illnesses are or the symptoms they produce. He thinks its something i have to deal with on my own and hasnt shown any interest in learning about it and supporting me. He is making everything worse. I managed to explain to him the issues this causes and that he is part of the problem not the solution last night and asked why he hadnt read up on how to help me, he told me he didnt know where to look and if i gave him the information he would read it. 

So, today i have printed off all the information i could find about both illnesses, all symptoms and what he can do to help me. I feel like im spoon feeding a baby and guiding him through rather than him guiding and helping me. Its so frustrating that i cant rely on him to use his own initiative. He also told me he is scared to call me and tell me his going out because i give a negative reaction and make him feel guilty, i do this because i simply cannot stand the thought that he is out with friends and im stuck in alone, he tells me his friends are my friends but i know that isnt true, if he left me his friends wouldnt come and see me. Thats what happened with my ex fiance, we broke up and i lost every single friend i had. The lonliness i feel is debilitating. I do everything for him to make sure he needs me and he does whatever he wants only now i envy him for it but im so scared that if i stop him from doing something he will leave me or if i stop doing all the things for him he will leave me. He is all i have. 

Please someone tell me how i can get out of this vicious circle, i dont go out and make new friends because people dont want to know or i come on too strong and they just think im weird. My social skills have dissapeared along with any confidence i had. Please help me im afriad im losing my mind and am going to lose my marriage.


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