It's not that I find myself feeling unhappy or sorrowful, its not even that I FEEL depressed.. I just feel nothing. The things that should make me smile just make me feel like shrugging.. And I'm not sad.. I just feel like I've been robbed of emotions. It takes a lot to make me cry these days, and even more to make me smile. Things that should make me mad, I hardly notice. Someone could majorly insult me and I wouldn't even notice or care. Things that use to excite me and make me thrilled, now do no purpose for me. I feel like I'm only living half my life. I think I've been through so much, that I have blocked off everything and everyone, just trying to forget everything and carry on, keeping the peace, until the point that I'm hardly living a life that feels thriving.
I'm pretty sure normal teenage girls are suppose to be having those crazy hormonal feelings and up's and down's, but honestly I'm not. My boyfriend could cheat on me, and I'd probably just be like, 'Oh well, I knew it'. I ask myself why I feel so passive about everything? I want to cry at the times I'm 'suppose'. And feel excited when I'm 'suppose' to. I find that I don't have many wants or desires and I feel like I'm going through the motions, without any emotion.
I honestly could sit in my room all day, starring at my wall, humming a song, and be fine. I could just lie there and do nothing, and feel fine. But I don't want to feel 'fine' anymore, I want to feel like I'm living. There's not many things or people I care about, even though I want to. I just can't jump into the front seat of my life, it feels like it's beyond my control, and I don't know what to do
Can anyone relate? Is this depression? Or am I just a weird doomed-to-be-a-passive-agressive- boring person?