I decided to deal with my problems and issues in life even if it takes me some time, starting with where I am. Mostly I find it hard being on my own at home. Friends are an attachement to my life and not often around anyway. So I think I need to make it in life with what i have. Things are stuck in my life when they are not moving. and everything in life is connected too. Just when I am looking for joy or hoping for it Im seeing that it is not there yet. Life as mostly a perpetual dissapointment is not much of a life. What happens when the English dream, like the American dream is not forthcoming? It's like thinking you are buying a loaf of bread but you only get half.

For most things in business it is a buyers market I guess. You got to get what you can usually. Hard if you want to realise your dreams and make something of yourself.

Sometimes people say that life is good….well it is depending on the people around you. Personal validation and appreciation is an important part of social happiness.

Other observations today…. actually, my being is happy so thats good although an unusual way of looking at myself. When I close my eyes there is alot of peace. No need to die to rest in peace. Is that supposed to be a reward of death? Dont envy the dead.

We always have choices in life, however small. Life gives us freedom to at least try and achive towards our potential. Apparently the greater universe is still ever expanding into infinity and the nature of God is such that the closer we get to it, the more we see there is to it.

There is always something more mysterious, however. Our minds are not able to understand all the complexities and ramifications of life, nor shoould we expect them too. Perhaps a greater sense of things majestic can be gained by feelings,mystic revelations and experiences.