Hello all Dee Tribers, I am writing this blog because i am at war again with my innerself. I really do care about alot of people on here and I am grateful too have known them. I have been feeling a little afraid lately of my progress. I went to see my therapist this past wednesday and she told me that God wouldnt be happy with me because of a couple sins that are against my religious values. I told her that I aint perfect and noone is. Im glad that Im not like my family. I have had my faults and stupid decisions that I made and I have to live with them. I never heard the word Love growing up. I didnt know what love was until the last 13 years. Thats the time that I have been married. I really dont think that I am a bad person. I have been getting healthier and I hope one day that I will get thru this depression. I really get alot of good therapy from friends on here. Thats because you people went and are going thru the same thing. Its a battle. I wish everyone best wishes on here. I really do care. This part is for my family. Im going to and need to vent. Dear Family, Why? Why would u keep telling me that I wasnt wanted from the 1st time I took a breath? Why didnt you protect me from all of the physical, mental and sexual abuse that you put me thru? Why dad would you leave pornography lying around the house for anyone too look at? and its still on his kitchen table to this day. 35 years later!! Why brother did u take advantage of me and force me to do things that I cant even write down? Where was you mom when I needed your protection?? oh at the bar or your sisters or your moms. I remember!!  Where was the protection mom? I loved my dog.. she never hurt me before. How could you middle brother scare me and petrify me growing up and still at times now? The physical abuse and mental abuse really took there toll on me. The sexual abuse still haunts me and has given me my own problems. Too think why I donated my kidney too a stranger??? Because none of you deserved it!!! I will see God one day, God watched everything you have done to me. You know whats amazing? I forgive them all… I really do forgive them all. God Bless and Best Wishes everyone on their recovery…

Himer Rice

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