As I login and start reading some of the responses by people, I am reminded how lucky I am that I have been able to be functioning and have had loving relationships in my life. My life hasnt been without pain but it seems I was able to cope because I was so busy raising kids, mananging a household, working as a nurse, interacting with friends and sports, going to school. I could not think too much about other lacks or annoyances (like my husband was on the periphery). But as the kids launched, I was alone, depressed with no intimate husband best friend that others had. Why couldnt I have a wonderful relationship? My husband didnt want to do anything other than watch TV sports and I was dying alone so I decided to be alone. I wanted what others had: a best friend, husband, lover and fun. I deserved it! I went after a life and I got burnt bad X 2. why me? Depression set in with a vengence compounded by being alone. And I read the blogs, and notice that there are so many people that havent even experienced anything that I have. They are suffering with no one to turn to as a young child, dealing with alchoholicism, divorce, drugs, and no supports, no way out it seems. I am emphathetic and yet it makes me feel so guilty to be pissing and moaning about depression, loneliness. I wish science would find cures for you all; pray that you reach out and try to get someone's ear to help you move along, hope that you learn to help yourself by understanding your behaviours that prevent you from growing and taking it on yourself to change and not blame others, knowledge that pain tells us something is wrong in our body and we have to find out by trial and error and not be afraid of making a wrong choice.

i keep trying to find answers but all I have is questions. I dont know why anyone has to suffer. Just dont give up.