i havent been on here forever. i've missed the support i have gotten, that i've given, and talking to good people.

my story is so long i really can't explain it. i haev old video blogs and many written blogs that kinda tell my recent history over that last year and a half or so. they explain so much.

i'm not really that high. just ona few pills. not dangerous. just a small release.

i had so many hopes and dreams. my life has been a struggle. i finally started to gain hope through threrapy and many years of "work" on myself. i made some progress. but everything got fucked up. my old blogs explain alot.

i moved from ohio to cali on my own to be close to my ex. we eventually broke up. i had to live in the hood (vallejo, cali). i had a .45 calliber bullet graze my head and a REAL ganster after me. i feared for my life and left everything behind and moved to florida with a really good friend. i still live here now.

someone called the cops on me and i was "baker acted" and sent to a hospital for a week. the cops said i was suicidal because i blacked out while drinking and was on a few pills. i was fine. just drunk and make a few mistakes. a really good "friend" called the cops on me b/c i was talking to him online (skype). i was blacked out and falling down. he said he was trying to help. they locked me up for no reason.

at anyrate, my life is fucked. i have a somewhat stable enviroment. i love my roomate. but things are still insane. i have lost all hope and just try to get by.

I need people to talk to. i am 30 years old.

i hope you are all well.

justin