So…We got a new fridge and it's going to be delivered saturday, for now everything has to go into coolers and all that, it COULD have been delivered tomorrow but because we got there AFTER 3pm they can't….wtf?
Then had to calm mom down AGAIN because she was worried about the price and had a mini-meltdown. While I was also having one,but I clearly am able to keep it hidden..so then after THAT we went out to dinner…ugh…
I'll spare you my usual rant about going out, you should know how I feel about it by now. So anyway, I couldn't sneak out of eating so I had to, but the place was so packed and noisy that it wasn't a problem hurling…and having a complete anxiety-panic attack break down in the bathroom.
All was fine for awhile on the way home, we stopped by the store (I stayed in the car THANK GOD) and they got more ice for the coolers…then mom wanted to weigh herself for whatever reasons, and so she was like "come on,weigh your self how bad can it be?"
I was FORCED into weighing myself,seeing I had lost 8 more pounds, Only for mom to suddenly get upset saying 'how can you be that tiny?" which I don't know what she's talking about…I'm not 'tiny'
and she's upset because she GAINED weighted (that would be a nightmare for me) and so by the time we got home we both broke out into a fight, I usually hold everything in and just let it be released through cutting and purging but I blew right back at her.
long-story-short, she's not 'talking' to me at the moment, and i'm glad. She's such a child she doesn't even handle situations like this well, and yet after seeing my weight she still has no clue or thought that I have ED'S and other disorders, she just knows about the medical shit (diabetes,sleep apnea, and whatever else they 'labeled' me with.)
I feel so exhausted right now mentally and physically, Also walking around in public with a cane adds to my anxiety, I feel like thousand-time more the eyes are on me.
I ended up leaving a long cut along my stomach just a moment ago…First time I felt alittle release in awhile, I think i'm going to listen to some music, read manga or some of the nightshade series and try to calm down in my room with my dogs.
I just know the same thing will happen tomorrow, Mom will apologize,cry and then act like all is fine and I'll numbly except that.
I just can't deal with that woman anymore!
Oh and also…Despite i'm still so wired from my panic attacks, the fight and other shit I plan on sending that e-mail to Griffon now…Just to get it over with…Honestly I mean how much more pain can humans cause me at the moment anyway?
Ha…That's a loaded question…
Alright, talk to you later. I hope everyone else is doing well…