This is my first experience with using a online support group. I’m 22 and have had anxiety since childhood  as well as PTSD since my Mom passed away last year. I’ve had a lot going on this year. I experience intrusive thoughts but it seems to always happen when I’m at a happy point in life. I was talking to a great guy and I feel like I pushed him away. I was comfortable enough to tell him after a period of time. We aren’t talking anymore and feel like my anxiety, OCD, and PTSD screws up everything. I confided with him things I only have told two other people because I felt he wouldn’t leave. I haven’t been having the thoughts as much lately. However, I feel like I’m so down on myself after that relationship ended. It’s been two weeks and I feel so depressed. I think about things I used to do out of my anxiety and feel disgusting. This is probably tmi but I have had severe constipation in the past, I resulted to using my fingers to getting that out. I would wash my hands a million times after. But it makes me feel shamed that I had to do that. Then I inadvertently would bite my nails so I’m paranoid that what if my hands/ fingernails weren’t clean. I have a huge germ phobia as well as the fear of getting stds. I’m very safe in that area. I just feel ashamed and that I don’t deserve love because I’ve resorted to these behaviors in the past. I haven’t recently done that but it just is making me feel worthless thinking about it. I just feel hopeless and don’t know what to do. I’m on PROZAC and go to therapy but it hasn’t helped that much. I’ve talked to a few trusted people and they thought the behavior was weird but said I probably wasn’t the first person to use my finger. I just over analyze everything and feel like it’s sending me over the edge. I feel like no one will want or love me if they knew this. But I feel the urge to tell people about it or I feel that I’m lying.