I wonder how people do it. Life is too hard. Its so weird feeling like you have no roots and no home base. I am an entity of one. No family. No one to care if they haven't heard from me for awhile. I fit in no where. Sometimes life is to long and lonely for me to bear.  I hate being alone…I am completely uncomfortable to be around people.  I have become a complete recluse…it take an extreme amount of prodding to get me to go anywhere.  My friends have given up on me because they get so frustrated.  They don't even ask me to do things with them anymore.  Since my mother died I feel like I lost the one person that cared about me.  I can;t take much more of this life.  The only thing that keeps me going is my wonderful dog Sierra.  All I can think of is what would happen to her if I were to die.

My health insurance is about to change in a few months and I am going to lose my psychiatrist.  I am going to end up on medicaid and I can't seem to find a new doctor that takes medicaid.  I am so frustrated and feel like I am being thrown to the wolves.  I can't make it through this on my own. And what about my medications.  This is all very devistating. I was very comfortable with my doctor…and now I have to start over. Very Frustrating, 

i could never put into word the things that go through my head. I just don'e know what to do and I feel like so one gets it. There is nothing anyone can say or do. This is my … See Morelife and I feel like I have reached the point where either I resign myself to the miserable, lonely, familyless life or just give up on life altogether. sorry to be so morose. I know that it annoys people when this is used as a sounding board for misery. but Facebook has no blog…and sometimes I just have to get it out. the mask cracks and people see the real me. even though I think that trough the mask people gan see the pain and sadness.

 I guess my plan is to stay in bed all day…its just easier that way.