Ok, I am new to this and new to actually blogging my feelings of this horrific disease of panic and anxiety.  I feel my story is so crazy and I am so embarrassed to even express my feelings, but here it is in a nutshell…hopefully, there is someone that can relate and hopefully give me some hope…I highly doubt it, but you never know.

Ok, so like 7 years ago, I was introduced to a highly addictive drug…one that I really loved because I was an energetic person and that drug really enhanced that energetic trait of mine…I'm sure you all can figure out what that drug is…anyway….I got involved in a relationship with a guy who was really into that, and then the recreation became a habit, almost daily…then that led to paranoia…I worked in bars and knew way too many people…people I regret even knowing to this day……so I have been drug free for the last 3 years, and i am happily married to  a wonderful man, but I have been having panic and anxiety ever since coming off the drug…I feel people are after me…I feel like I'm being watched…I can't eat or drink anything that has been out of my sight, I always feel people are out to get me, poison me, basically, I just feel people don't have good intentions. I even moved away to a different state to get away from what I was feeling.  That did help somewhat, alot actually, but it seems at times that the people that I regret knowing, or people that I feel that were after me, it's as if I see people that look exactly like them here in this different state that I live in, and I feel they are after me, and that is absolute torture for me…then I really, really think that is such CRAZY thinking…then I am ok for a bit until I start thinking about it…anyway, did finally see a Psychiatrist and have been on medication, it has helped in some ways…but I just want this feeling to go away for good…I don't jog in my neighborhood or take my dogs on walks like I want to…I am addicted to wearing sunglasses, I guess because it gives me a sense of hiding…I don't open the blinds as much as I like, I just literally feel like I am in my own prison that I know I create.  I don't feel like this when I am around people like family,husband, or people that I know that I can absolutely trrust…

I doubt this made sense to anyone, but if it did to anyone, please let me know..I'd greatly appreciate it!

1 Comment
  1. nelson 13 years ago

    You have taken one of the most greatest and powerful step to lead a life filled with positivism and change and you are on a journey to recovery and happiness.

     Continue to express how you feel to the people you cheeerish and also on here because we love and cheerish you with all our heart.

    0 kudos

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