My daughter’s birthday was last Friday. She would have been 26.
It is surreal.
Also surreal? My girlfriend was fired from her job for calling in sick Sunday.
She was pissed and hurt, at the same time.
She was so close to relapsing it was scary.
Wanting to relapse. Cursing recovery (She had worked in a recovery facility).
I had a friend of hers come over and we convinced her to give it a day and look at it again tomorrow.
It’s more scary today.
Because she hasn’t been home.
Hasn’t answered her phone.
She answered a text message.
She told me she went to Orlando,
And would be back tonight.
She has an aunt there.
She also has so much more there.
That she doesn’t need at this point.
But she might want.

And while waiting,
Am wondering
And worrying
And trying to accept,
I write.
What comes out from my hand is what’s inside of my head,
Then it’s over, forgotten, I’ve put it to bed.
And tonight, this is what came out.

Dying, for something to live for.
By Charlie G

The pain in my brain
Is such a strain,
I want it to wane,
I want it to drain.
My thoughts are like painting against the grain;
Like a ‘Dali’ Abel slaying Cain..
Emptiness leaves a stain.
Reality hurts, what’s to gain?
The thought washes away like the rain,
Before being yanked back by its chain.

My daughter’s gone now, another year,
Wetness on my cheek, I think it’s a tear.
Has my girlfriend relapsed? Hello to a fear,
So I lace up my boots, and strap on my gear,
I know what to do, it’s abundantly clear.
I’d been here before, when I neared my first year,
The pink cloud had left, it was no longer near.
I had gone to a meeting, to be with my peers,
As I think the thought, it’s met by jeers.
The committee in my head would like me to veer,
‘To the nearest bar, to the nearest beer
“Go to a meeting? Are you daft?”
Addiction whispering it’s own witchcraft
But I head out in my car, and on down the lane,
Intuitively following my own weather vane.
Because as sad as its been, writing this muse,
I promised my daughter never to use.
And the addictions inside me, that had whispered a riot?
Daring by sharing had rendered them quiet!

Life isn’t always tied with a bow,
Just know, “This too will pass, and go with the flow.
God knows you have a tough row to hoe,
If you are like me, an average joe,
But when it is done, you know that you’ll grow.
So as I doubt and I hurt, I also will cheer,
Because next month I’m giving my daughter two years!


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