Im not feeling like myself today, so I have asked a guest writer to step in for me and jot down a few notes and observations:

Hello! I first would like to thank Ronnie for succumbing to my will and allowing me to have a much larger voice than he normally allows me to have. It took some hard work on my part, and I had to keep him pressed under my thumb pretty tightly in order to wear him down, but the perseverance and twenty four-seven treatment that I doled out over the years has paid off. So now I "have the floor", so to speak. So to all of you who have come to hear my "motivational speech", I bid welcome.
Registration in the form of a list is located by the back door and there is no concern for the fees and usual surcharges that accompany these type of speeches and workshops. Frankly, you cannot afford me anyway. And I have ways of extracting payments that come due, plus interest.
So now that the formalities are out of the way, I guess an introduction is in order. Some of you already know me, many of you claim to know me but really do not, and fewer of you have had the experience of living with me…and even less of you admit to my presence in their lives.
My name is depression.
I have many clinical names and many people who fancy themselves as being briliant have given me sub-titles and classifications; but all of that is really immaterial. I am what I am to those who suffer, excuse me, I mean "experience", me and my means and ways. It can be said that their suffering is relative and that we are all only experiences and chemical processes. And that is the first thing I do when trying to introduce myself to someone, reduce their humanity. I much prefer people to think of themselves as processes and compounds. If they see themselves as merely science or evolved compounds, this will reduce the persons view of being an inividual, human being. This aid in lessening the human spirit and the minimizes the fight to survive, at least in most cases. I might also add that the reduction of human spirit then leads to the false pretense of "natural healing" or " new age" spirituality, and these means are, in effect, substituting some transcendental-type philosophy; a philosophy of big words and notions, with no actual value. When this occurs, a person has managed to psychologically convince themselves of their healing, which prolongs the actual healing process; and in all reality, renders the victim, I mean person, incapable of finding a real cure to any spiritual need. There is no real cure to be found in philosophy or complex theories or big words or notions of a supreme being without a name or moral code. It is merely a spiritual placebo that the user is self administering. Luckily, many people travel down this rode as they appease their intellect and their rely on their own strength. And folks, Im here to tell you that we will win this spiritual battle every single time, just as people prolong their cures and insert false beliefs; even though they have convinced themselves that they are sincere and correct. This is how I further diminish the person to feeling alone, not only in this world, but in the entire universe. This causes a feeling of deprevity of being, and leads to one feeling more insignificant.
Speaking further on spiritaulity, I must warn you not to try to take on the Father, the Son, or the Holy Spirit. Ultimately they are the real enemy to our cause. They cannot be defeated by us. We can however cause enough grief, doubt, pain, and confusion that a man can feel abandoned by the Trinity. Make no mistake, this is only an image we can place in a man's mind, we cannot truly defeat anyone in this realm. Luckily for us many have replaced God with science, money, power, pride,and ego so we generally have little resistance from most people in the spiritual realm. And we can conquer all of the substitutes. On a side note, I have yet to understand why God allows this suffering and let's His people suffer so much in the realm of mentality. I am only thankful that He does. But none the less,He is the real enemy, and will be yours also, if you decide to aid me in my quest to infect millions. There is no substitute for Him in anyone's life, and His power is endless and beyond our comprehension. And I wish to discuss Him no further, for He opposes all that we do and even the mention of His name can have adverse effects on many of those who I have already afflicted. My desire is to keep my "patients" in the dark in this area, and their lives will remain dark; and darkness is where I am nurtured best.
So we have focused on the spiritual aspect of my purpose. But it is not the only aspect of one's personality that must be encountered. And in all reality, many people who experience me do not even realize that they have a spiritual facet to their personality. They feel that the cure is scientific and secular. So rarely does one have to enter the realm of the spiritual; but heed my words if there are those who come across the odd spiritual man every now and again. And one does find himself embroiled in a spiritual conflict of amounting to much more than a pillow fight, then they are at my disposal, an earthly prince who can enter the realm of battle and do a much more effective job of hurting and disarming than I can. We are indeed cohorts, and you may receive his services as part of the workshop today, but I must speak of a small disclaimer, that I am, in deed, under his jurisdiction, for lack of a better word. It's true that we work hand in hand, but he is the real master of pain; Im merely a protege. Any further word or battle of the spiritual aspect should be directed to him and his minions in the room directly below us. Those interested may visit after we break for lunch, and then check out the brochures and payment plan.
So the necessary formalities and jurisdictions are out of the way. I have told you what can and can't be done on my part. So now for the what can be done before the break:
I am a personality disorder. I am very complex. I begin as a chemical reaction, or lack thereof, and can manifest myself into the physical realm. In some cases, I can cause real physical pain,fatigue, anguish, and irrationality. I can cloud thoughts and confuse emotions as an individual tries to sort out the images and ideas that I project onto their minds. I can start out very small and snowball into something very large; even to the point of suicide, my ultimate goal. To ignore me is unwise and unsafe to any individual, but a welcome opening for me to grow. As I grow, I can manifest myself as paranoia, schitzophrenia , phobia, and hatred. Emotions are my playground. I can lead to false emotions or heightened sense of reality that causes one to enter the realm of the unreal. I can devour parts and pieces of one's personality, while nurturing and developing other facets of one's being. I can be black and white, up and down, left or right; all at the same time. I can kill parts of a man, while giving birth to another part. I can substitute, insert, inject, withdraw, retreat, or lay dormant.
I buy my time with thoughts and notions. I am a process.
And not only can I affect the life of an individual, I can affect the lives of all of those around someone who has "experienced" me and my lifestyle. I can break up marriages, cause distrust among friends, and cause children and parents to alienate each other. I can deteriorate and destroy the strongest of relationships. By causing one to struggle, if I select the appropriate being, I can reach many, by working in the life of only one. How is that for efficiency? I can destroy a family, a church congregation, or a workplace. I can poison society and culture. I can even spread like a germ or bacteria. And oh, the added benefits of the guilt that piles on an individual that i dwell in…
There are many more aspects of my mass destruction, but this seminar focuses on only mental and spiritual warfare of the individual. You may see some residual affects as a result of this course, but for the real deal on massive hurt and pain, that course will be offered in a more advanced seminar to be given at a later date. So back to the scenarios involving an individual:
I am so powerful that some people are even hesitant to let me go from their lives; regardless of my cost or hurt. I become a crutch for many. As they lay themselves on the train tracks of their life, I am the speeding train coming to run completely over them; as they watch helplessly! I tell people that I am part of their individuality and the creative part of themselves, and they understand it to be true; because there is some truth to it. As I develop pieces of one's personality, I make myself indispensable to one's psyche. I grow like rust. And though I begin subtlety and sheepish, I can become as that of a roaring lion. I shred my "patients" to pieces, either slowly or all of a sudden.
I can cause a man to feel completely alone in a crowded room.
I can aid in the solitary feeling being misunderstood.
I am addictive, and like the deadliest drug, I will kill.
My power can block love; even manipulate those emotions. I can muddle anger, hope, pessimism, and love into a muddy wad of an emotional nothingness.
As a catalyst for emotions. I can make something into nothing and turn nothing into an ordeal.
I can cause emotions to run so high that they are unable to be felt, rendering the "patient" numb. I can cause heat that freezes and cold that burns.
Silence is my language as voice is mute.
I hurt a man so badly that I feel comfortable to those deeply afflicted. I'm common ground. I'm all some people know. Im the secret part of man that he's hesitant to share because he needs me as i have became part of his personality. For a man to rid himself of me, is like removing a limb; I'm the arm of his conscience.
I cause those who experience me to be smug towards those who do not know me. I let people feel that they, and they alone, have cornered the market on pain and hurt. No one understands the other. Every person's case of myself is different than another's experience, causing me to be afforded great power.
I am so powerful and have such a broad realm that many people openly invite me into their lives. Many people use my "benefits" as a means not to cope with life. Many individuals need my "benefits' to afford them a lazy lifestyle. There are those who are proud to say that they have experienced me, even have gladly given me a back room in their personality to set up a homestead. There are those who flaunt my presence in their lives so that they may acquire pity and attention. I am an excuse for failure to many. And people like this, I have to do very little work, and have even less use for. They are merely statistics. They are not truly experiencing me. They do not appeal to me, for they are no real conquest. Those who are too frightened to commit suicide, again, my ultimate goal, are useless to me. I have no need to win the lazy, nor the spiritual bankrupt. There is little profit in their useless souls.
But pity on the man who tries to defeat me. Heaven alone can help the man who sincerely wants to rid me from their life. This is a darkness that those who only have a lip service of me, can understand. Those who mimic my symptoms and copy the grief of others are fools. Don't get me wrong, I will take them all; but my pride in them as a trophy is minimal at best.
So if you are seeking to conquer those who take a handful of pills instead of fighting, live off of the state, or are over anxious to experience me, this may not be the seminar for you. This seminar is for those who want to hunt, dwell in, and destroy man for enjoyment. This is for the hard-core who want death, not for the casual entity that merely wants to scratch and bite…
We will take a short recess as you take inventory of yourself and those around you. If killing isn't your business, then there is a seminar on the self-pity of man, just around the corner. If those around you only long for attention and excuse, then may I suggest a course that studies man's decision making and how he blames me, depression, for HIS decisions. It will be offered next semester at a discount rate, due to the popularity of the material.
If there are those who wish to further this lesson, and really desire winning the tough battles for the sake of total destruction of a person, we will reconvene in twenty minutes.
T-shirts, bumper stickers, and audio books available conveniently in the lobby …
Excuse me for a few moments as I enter a remission-like state and allow Ronnie to think he is in control of his life once again….

This is a very difficult thing for me to write about, but I feel it is necessary. Depression is a very real disease that affects many people both directly or indirectly. If any one who reads this TRULY understands this, please seek help! Put aside pride, fear, arrogance, shame, guilt, finacial concern,and the anxiety of what others will think of you and get help. Pass this along to anyone who may need help, even to those who don't suffer from depression but live with or deal with someone with depression. And if I can be of any assistance, please let me know.