I don't know how to do this, but I need an outlet. I'm not a girl who really tells people how I feel. I don't tell everyone how hurt or.sad I am. I cry every night, sometimes so much that my head starts to hurt and I pass out. When I cry it's at night and only at night. I hate feeling weak. I don't want to go through life feeling sad. I want to enjoy it. I have been praying to God, and do not tell me that my God isn't real because I know he is. He saved me so many times and I know he will save you if you just let him. Right now, I am lonely. I feel rejected. I feel like an outcast. I go to a large high school, +4000 students. If you saw me in the classroom or in the halls you would see an outgoing, confident girl. The truth is though the people I'm talking to don't really care about me. Or like me even. I know they find me annoying. My birthday passed this Tuesday, sweet sixteen. My family and the kids I babysit for celebrated it. I wasn't accepted to a program that I had worked my butt to get into for the past year. It was the only thing I wanted and dreamed about. I don't hang out with people outside of school. I love my soccer team but I'm not really close to any of them. I don't think they want to let me in. I had this one friend, his name was Max. When I used to talk to him I felt safe and like everything is going to be okay. But I can't be just friends with him when he's a bad friend to begin with. I realized I liked how I felt when he said things that made me feel like I could get through. But sometimes I wished that he would give me an action. A phone call, instead of a text. Or even an effort to see me. But I guess I wasn't good enough for that. I really, really don't want to label myself as depressed but I can't find any other word to describe what I am feeling. I could use a friend right now. I guess I just needed to get all of this off my chest. I know things will get better. Right now life is just harsh, and I'm just sad.

1 Comment
  1. Longtimebluelady 10 years ago

    Happy belated birthday! I wish I knew how to cheer you up. What makes you think that your friends find you annoying? Do you think the kids on the soccer team don't “let you in” because maybe you have built a noticeable wall around yourself ? Just a thought. Don't be sad. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. You look like a very pretty girl. I am sending positive thoughts your way.

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