So, been a while. cause things were going great. nice relationships, the few chosen friends i need. well, me and the bf got into it last night and i mean BAD. he's my longest relationship… and i live with him. well we argued about him not being as happy as he could be. i quit smoking, spice, weed, and habits like being a bit messy for him and idk he still isn't happy?! idk what to rly do. but, i cried … ALOT. he had NO emotion… said he felt "numb" to the whole thing. which made me cry harder. hes rly upset bout how i spend my time? wants me to be more "productive" … im at a loss at that point so i cry more out of confusion. the whole thing is a nightmare.
he even said he "convinced himself he was happy" and later said he meant he brushed off little things that bothered him. which to me is the same thing. that's what hurt tho most though. he ALMOST said it was my mentality… he knows i have anxiety and depression and bipolar 2. so he knew that would of been to far. idk what to do here. we made up or w/e but now i feel hallow. he said that whole argument got blown out of poportion. i felt things were said that needed to be said. so ive been more gaurded and distant. i cant trust his feelings almost anymore. i want to but after that blow up argument im lost. i cried my heart out scared of losing him and he was… "numb" ???!!!!
kinda angry not gunna lie. idk what made me stay. hope? idk. he led me to believe he wants to marry me. idk anymore, he says he does but idk. i cant trust much on his feelings anymore. i want him to show me he still loves me. i told him i want him to show me he really loves me still and i cant tell if he does or not and all he said was "im sorry" emotionless, again. idk what to do here. i wanna fix this. but idk how to over come this odd distrust of his emotions. help? advice? imput plz? remember i have anxiety, depression and bipolar 2 affecting my judement =[
ALSO my friends mom died. i was kinda close to her at one point in time… she was a second mom to me i took care of alot. me and the daughter stopped being friends a bit. and then the day of the moms funeral, my grandma fell and broke her hip again, and i doubt shed make it though surgery. with ALL THIS in my mind, i decided to stay home. told my ex friend what happened and she seemed like she understood, then on fb one of our mutual friends said "i hope your grandmas hip is okay" and the ex friend made a "XD" face comment. i was SO UPSET. betrayed even. i feel that is really just… cruel. i want to cry with everything thats on my plate. i, myself, feel numb. help, advice and support are welcome….