I’ve felt like i’m drowning. But who would see me? My sister was my best friend. I told her everything. we talked about the boys I liked. the clothes I wore. the day after  my fiancé and I broke up I laid in her floor and cried while she stroked my hair telling me it would all be alright. she even called into work when she needed the money because she knew I needed her and that was more important to her than anything. but one terrible day, the day was actually her birthday. she got in her car. I didn’t know how it would end when I asked her to come see me, but I’ve wished every day since that I had called in my job to see her instead of asking her to see me. Maybe I wouldn’t have lost my lifeline that day. but it isn’t what youre thinking. My sister didn’t die that day. She suffered a brain injury that changed her personality. that day I lost my human diary. now I sit here as I’m writing this with tears in my eyes wanting to feel the familiar loving protection of my sister. knowing I probably never will again. she was my life preserver. I was drowning and she would rescue me. But now I’m doing everything I can to rescue her and i’m loosing myself in the process. I feel like I’m drowning and sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m supposed to now. I suppose I could learn how to swim. but my life preserver doesn’t care for me anymore. I can never do anything to please her. I want her to love me again but instead, o just stand. waiting foor the water to raise over my head so it can be the end. the end of the confussion. the end of the chaos. the end of my pain… maybe I don’t want help. maybe I just want to drown.