I am ready to talk about something and hopefully never speak of it again, meaning I have let it go. While what was done will not be forgotten it can and will be forgiven.

My ex-inlaws meddled in my marriage every step of the way saying they had the best intentions. When something they didn't like was going on, like when I was engaged and wanted to wait a while to get married so I could pay for it all, they made it known (even though it was none of their business whatsoever). Or the time their son had to call me at work to say they were upset because the wedding cermony didn't have a wedding singer. Or the time when I wanted to take acting classes. The list goes on and on. They are despicable people who don't care about anyone but themselves and sadly have taught their son (my ex-husband) that making tons of money and looking good is all that matters in this life. I was told by a mutual friend or ours that my ex was a biology major in college (he wanted to be a zoologist) but was forced to change it to computers because his parents didn't think there was any money in that. I was a music major and they were often bothered by the fact that I wanted (and still do) to pursue a hobby for a career.

When I was just about to get married they told me to get off my medication. I had made the mistake of telling them I was on meds for what I thought was depression (a small percentage of ppl with ocd benefit from taking anti-depressants). Me being the idiot I was and wanting to please them, stopped taking what was helping me at the time. I, in turn, fall off the deep end freaking out at every little thing including a massive fear of being pregnant (which I never was). I was also living in a place where I had no friends or family nearby adjusting to being married to a man who never cut the ties with his parents. They lived over 2000 miles away and the still had a grip on him.

I wanted to get better and I wanted to fix things. I was diagnosed with ocd and I began therapy which was great because I began to discover what my triggers are what fears I have but everything started to fall apart. My husband wanted a divorce and his parents of course blamed me for everything. They told me to get an EEG, bloodwork and a complete blue print of how my body works so I can get the right diagnosis because they didn't believe I had ocd. I went to a pschyciatrist and was put on medication (the exact same stuff I was on before) and got better.

Other things had happened that they were guilty of (check out my blog Birthday Blues) but this whole experience has left me unwilling to trust anyone who says they are "concerned" or "have only the best of intentions." My biggest fear is that something is wrong, it could be anything and I need to fix it no matter what it is. My in-laws constant nagging and involvment only aggrivated my condition. They did more harm than good to me. And what makes me the most upset about everything is two things: 1. they don't see the damage they did on their son's marriage( or life for that matter) for getting involved 2. they openly admit that they don't care.

I am being open about this because as I said I want to let go and forgive. It's not for their benefit but for my own. I want to move on and live successfully with my OCD and with myself. I have made my share of mistakes and I want to make them right and also learn from them. Being angry and bitter won't do anything but kill me inside and out. I hope you who read this understand where I am coming from and hopefully are ok with all this. I'm sure some of you have dealt with worse . I want to conclude this blog with encouragement for those who may have wronged you on the path to living with ocd. There is a better way to live than holding on to that bitterness and anger. I'm not out of the woods yet, but letting this go will hopefully get me closer.


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