Well, here is the goingback to work anxiery as usual. My guts are a mess already. I tried to go hang out with my brother but only made it for about 20 minutes before I couldn't stay anymore. My husband is going to be SO MAD if I don't feel together enough to go out to dinner with his parents tomorrow!!! Already my mind and body are telling me that a mexican dinner is a bad idea. The anxiety is already making me lose my appetite, nauseous, and diarrhea. I'm shaky, nervous, and distracted. I wish my husband could feel this sensation so he could undertsand how horrible it makes a person feel physically and mentally. I took a Klonopin about 45 minutes ago and hope it kicks in soon. I feel just as cheated and disappointed as he does. This anciety closes down a lot of my world, just as it does for him.
Here are some positive affirmations that I believe:
– I will be able to handle my new work load
– I will be able to teach what I am hired to teach
– If I am unsure of something, I have ways to figure it out
– If I feel to bad to go in, I can take a sick day and still do my job well
– This anxiety is about a new and unknown situation but I will quickly master it
– I can still enjoy the things I like even with my new schedule
– I may be more tired with the new schedule but I still willhave plenty of time to rest
– I will have more preperation to do but I will still have plenty of time to prepare and it will allow me to learn more about my subject
– My family and friends will support me when I need them
– My medicine will help me when I need it and so will talking to my doctor
It saddens me that the one I have the least faith in is the one about my family supporting me. I haven't felt comfortable enough with my brother and sister to tell them about my problems yet. They tease me a lot about sleeping as much as I do and I never stand up and tell them that it is my biggest escape from anxiety. Maybe I should tell them but they have enough on their plates already.
As for my husband, he goes back and forth on being supportive and venting his frustration over my problems out on me. He doesn't like how my problems affect his life- like the going out to dinner with his parents and having the obsession with having to drive everywhere. I don't know what to do about that, really. I've tried to reason with him, explain things from a personal point of view and a medical point of view. I guess he has the right to feel about it how he wants to feel about it, but sometimes I want a little- what's the word- not pity, not comfort… Understanding? Acceptance? Support? Less judgement?