My husband is refusing help. He wont tell his doctor, he wont go to a therapist, he says the job he is training for looks at that stuff closely and would fire him if they found out he has anxiety issues. The job is with the government and is very strict in its requirements…hes probably right. He manages well in public, his OCD wrath is reserved for me, I get the fallout when someone IRL breaks his rules, nobody else knows he has it. Last night he kept us up all night because one of our friends stepped into our bedroom for a second after he fixed my tire. My husband waited till the friend left than went crazy, ripping off the bedsheets, wiping everything down, claiming neither of us were to sleep that night because everything in the room is contaminated and needs washed and he has to call off work because he wont get any sleep. I saw him throwing water on the carpet to "clean" the deadly imaginary oil he thinks is on it and started crying. I thought, Oh my God my husband is crazy, I am married to a crazy man and he wont get help.
Somewhere down deep in my heart I thought…"will I have to divorce him?" I makes me cry just typing it, I will never tell him I thought it because to even suggest the possibility would do irreversible damage to us. I eventually convinced my husband that he HAD to sleep on the bed, that nothing was on it, at 4am we finally got to sleep, him without a pillow or bedding in the dead of winter.
He swears he will cure it himself, that he just needs to do it at his own pace. I dont believe he can. He is angry with me for not believing him. He says he has been really good lately, if you call ordering me to wash my hands several times a day good. If getting upset with me for wearing jeans in the house or changing them too close to the bed is good. If telling me I cant carry anything that plugs into a wall around the house good.
I need to get therapy for myself, that much is clear. I married for the long haul, forever, this is my husband and I want to love and support him through all challenges, but the thought of living my life like this makes me sick, literally, my stomach is clenched. I am married to a crazy man who refuses all help, can he do this on his own? Or will I have to prepare myself to leave…I cant even think it.