Will I ever learn how to juggle all parts of my life? When something new is added will the others fall?
I’ve been pretty quiet about how I’ve been feeling this time around and I’m going to get quieter. It’s so easy for me to put others first and not even think about how I’m feeling.
I guess in a black humor kind of way I realize I’ve been living a great life. I hate having revelations only when something happens.
My grandma moved in with us Friday. She’s gone downhill quickly. She was living on her own a few weeks ago with little trouble. She and I are sort of alike; we both lack will power in certain things. Though I think she’s worse off than me, actually I’m sure of it. I love her and will do what I can including shutting my mouth about problems and headaches. They don’t need this sh*t now and won’t need it for awhile.
I wish I could have the will power to walk and sit in the sun; I need it now more than I did in the past. But then again, having my grandma here will make it easy for me to forget to walk or sit in the sun.
She’s on my mind right now. My therapy, my meds, my life in general is paused at the moment. I’ll probably write more…now that I have drama to write about.
I hate how this entry has resentment in the tone. Hell why wouldn’t it? It would be just like me. Oh well a good thing is it all will stay safe with me and no one I love will have to carry it with me. The meds are actually going o help me put on an even thicker and more believable mask. And bury what I really feel deeper under the layer of the drugs.
I don’t expect comments on this, it’s more venting. I must have a sliver of will power since I’m able to restrain myself from calling on my old friend…for now at least.
Maybe the characters I create can carry my problems with me. Ha it sounds like a crazy statement, but I’m pasted giving a damm. If anyone reads this whole thing, I’d be shocked.


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