today we went to mothercare and got percy a bed guard and a new stair gate for his room door and a little night light, and for the first time ever we put him to bed in an actual bed rather than the cot.  less than 2 months til he's 2.  i really can't believe that.  1 was one thing, but 2 is another altogether.  so i'd read in all these books how toddlers can really put up a fuss over being moved to a normal bed, etc. and be prepared to have to keep returning them to their bed, they'll be getting out and upset endlessly through the night.  so what happens?  we tuck him in (under my old 'aladdin' sleeping bag spread like a blanket, only kid-sized blanket we had, figured why buy a new one if that's perfectly good? – i knew i kept it for a reason!!), give him his bottle of water, his rabbit, put on the little music box, shut off the light (he's been fine being in his own room, in the dark, and sleeping through the night since he was 2 months old, we have the best baby ever i'm sure), we shut the door and…he's just out.  it's been 3 hours and he hasn't stirred once.  i mean it was that simple.  i don't know if it's because the bed has always been in his room all this time so he's used to seeing it or what, but anyway.  easy!  i'm very relieved.  but i just can't believe it.  he's…a KID, you know? not a baby so much.  now we just need to get him to relinquish the bottle, he's chewing holes straight through the teats but he just won't give it up, and i think he's moving swiftly into potty-training time.  i really look forward to all that because, well, it'll be less baggage to carry around everywhere, no more nappies to change, but also what a lot of money it will save each month!! [br][br]

i've been thinking of fear the last few days, especially today, this was spurred on by a conversation topic of global warming in an e-mail, and i was just thinking: most things in the world i would not be afraid of if people didn't seem to want to make me so.  all this anxiety…some of it has some foundation in reality, some practical application.  but like, you know those 'end of the world' shows about like how there's an asteroid that's 70 years overdue for hitting us, and yellowstone is like 80 years overdue for erruption, and there's some overdue tidal wave, etc. ?  that just makes me scared, right? but like…what could you really do if something like that happened?  nothing.  nothing at all.  are you going to run from an asteroid? or do you really think 'armageddon' could be more than just a film, we could blow the asteroid up in outer space?  because i really doubt it.  so then why worry us?  why not just keep that info to yourselves and let us all remain blissfully unaware of our impending doom, because frankly unless i can stop the problem i dont wanna know.  social problems, yeah let me know, i can contribute something to those situations, because im a person, part of society, part of the problems probably, i think everyone must be, so we can all do something about that.  but unavoidable natural disasters that will impact on a GLOBAL scale and kill everyone…why tell us???  am i alone in this way of thinking?  i mean, where does that 'knowledge' get us? and i put it in quotes because how do we know it's all fact?  okay these people study these cycles but have any of us actually been around the last few hundred years to properly witness it all?  and cycles can change.  we see it with our seasons, they are shifting, so doesn't it make sense other things would shift cycles too?  so really we don't know anything.  why act like we do, and then just terrify us all? [br][br]

i was also thinking: all this stuff about prince harry going to iraq, the debate when he first wanted to go, about whether or not he should be allowed, and how he'd have bodyguards etc.  it's just disgusting.  what, so protect prince harry, but not the normal military??  there was a time when the kings, princes, presidents were the generals of the armies, they would make battle plans and lead the armies out on the battlefields, the president of the USA is meant to be the leader of the military, isnt he?  i forget the official title now, i've been moved away from there too long to remember every little detail, but i do remember the principles, and it disgusts me how much protection the president has now, how are you meant to uphold the preamble to the declaration of independence, the right of the people to alter or to abolish the govt if it's believed it's got corrupt, if you can't even get anywhere near the president???  i just think it's all so wrong – and i see how jobs aren't even 'real' anymore, we're all in media, or making money simply off being in tabloids but not having a talent at all, reality stars, we import all our food, how could we survive if there were some horrible disaster that left us all stranded without these 'third world countries' to rely on for so many of our imported goods, that sort of thing.  ??  everything is theoretical or detached.  war just seems…out of date.  people actually going off to fight each other, with weapons dropped at the touch of a button?  it just doesn't make any sense at all.  it's such an anachronism.  it should all just stop.  have debates, don't be out there bombing each other.  but then the trouble is…this theory is only half the planet isnt it?  not all the world works the same way, we're all moving at different rates of 'development' and you have to wonder if we're really more advanced at all, when i look at my fiance's grandmother's family and they're all from the poor jungles of brasil and yet his great grandmother lived to like 114 or something.  why? no stress.  not surrounded by news broadcasts every second telling you how you're going to die and when, and who to fear, and what to fear, and what to be or say or do.  just a lot of good food, dancing, family, love, music.  i'd love that.  but then…i'm so conditioned by my weird artificial life here…could i actually do it if you gave me that option?  probably not.  [br][br]

i'm not sure what i'm trying to say here. 

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