it's like 1:43am and now mom decides to let let the demon out. calling dad lazy and telling him to something that could be down in the morning, in half and hour or ALL of us are doing it.

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like wtf? take the xanax that you STEAL from me because you haven't refilled your own valium and drop like a rock.

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times like this my anxiety gets so bad because she uses me as the messanger and i hate it, i don't like saying mean things to him (even though i don't trust him, he has a heart to) and so I hide in my room with my door locked.

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hoping,even still praying at this point she'll go back to sleep and leave me out of it. she accues me of never being there for her when that's BS, ever since me and brother were children she'd hold us hostage when drunk and verbally abuse us or talk shit about others.

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I hate her, i'm sorry for those that don't think it's right to hate your mother, but this woman is no mother. she's a monster. she might have down anything physically,but mentally she destroyed along with all the others thats crushed me.

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of course if we bring anything up against her she gets twisted and brings out the guilt card. so i could never speak freely when i had to have family therapy at eating disorder centers.

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i honestly felt loved and safest while at canopy cove (i was there three time, and two other places once) then i do at hoome. I just like the rules…or the food they make us eat….i will NOT get fat damn it.

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anyway, back to the point. please hope or pray she just does back to sleep. just the thought of her calling my name again is making my heart crawl up my throat.

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ugh….

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