I have been lost, dazed, confused, hurt, loved, happy, excited, dreadful, dreamy and the list can go on. I remember growing up i was a bad child but grew up to understand the reason why my family treated me the way they did. I never knew how my mother felt inside until one day she let it all out. She was hurt, unhappy, fed-up but at the same time she was happy, excited, loved because she had three boys who she knew one day would make her proud. I am the oldest, the spoilest and the one who go into the most trouble. all i ever wanted was to make my mother proud and repay her for all the pain i have caused, all the pain my dad had caused, and all the pain her ex husband had cause. I don't know who i am but i know that the day i found out i was HIV positive i knew that i had to make a difference in people life and become a leader and not a follower, become a voice and not sit back and hurt. I need to fight for what i feel is right and what i feel is wrong, what i feel should push forth and what i feel should fall back. Finding yourself while being healthy is one thing but finding yourself while being HIV positive and trying to stay healthy is beyond a goal it is a MUST. I know i can become who i am suppose to be by fighting until i get what i want, fighting until all my dreams come true. I can become who i am suppost to be by staying true to myself and understanding the importance of self-structure. I can become who i am suppose to be by being spiritual and following the path that i have been fighting all my life. I am positive because of the mistakes I made and learning from every mistake is an obstacle that can be beaten and is an ostacle that can be overcomed. I have dreams and goals just like everyone else and today I have promised myself that i will fight for all my dreams and goals no matter the drawbacks, the let downs, the NO's and no matter what i have to overcome. I will become who i am suppose to be.