I keep feeling like I'm making something out of nothing so I haven't called the Counseling Center yet. But I just feel like getting some things off my chest… My boyfriend keeps referring to me as "OCD" and yet I am afraid to even suggest such a possibility to a counselor and yet…
I cried when I put a scratch on my laptop. It happened last night and it still bugs me. If I could, I'd get a new computer without any scratches.
I am afraid to put any marks on my books so I try not to open them so far that I get creases on the spine and it bothers me when I do.
When I skip a class, even if it's for a good reason, I get really upset and fixate on it for a day to several days.
Sometimes I rewrite my homework if I think my handwriting looks bad.
I became angry and upset when I put scratches on my Wii and contemplated not even bringing it with me to school.
I just have this tendency to fixate on "imperfections" and "blemishes" and they drive me nuts. They make me mad, they make me cry, they make me anxious. But I'm afraid that I'll sound like a hypochondriac when all I really want is to know why this scratch on my laptop drives me out of my mind and makes me want to practically have a fit. Or why skipping Media Law to work on my Italian homework – which is due tomorrow – is making me upset even though I know I can always try to read my Media Law book tomorrow to catch up. But my boyfriend has described it as:
"you just have quirks that really screw things up sometimes, and I don't even know why, like when you feel like you're being attacked or insulted you get irrationally mad, and about stuff like this you get OCD to the point of crying"
I don't want to seek help if there is nothing wrong. I don't want to be a whiner, I don't want to blame an "illness" or "disorder" for bad behavior.