Hi everyone – I just joined yesterday, so I thought I'd write a little about myself and how I ended up here.

My name is Al, I am 33 years old and I live in Orlando, Florida. I have lived here for about 12 years. I grew up in Pennsylvania. That is where I went to school, and that is where all of my relatives live.

It wasn't always easy growing up: I was really overweight as a kid – I always got made fun of for it, but I overcame it. I learned to exercise and eat healthy, and I lost the weight. The thing is, people still found reasons to make fun of me. I managed, though – I managed to make some friends (yes, in retrospect most of them were just using me, but I think that's true of most of any teenager's "friends").

I managed to make some friends in college, but I never had any luck with relationships. It bothered me, but I tried to keep a positive attitude. "It's ok – it'll happen eventually – plenty of time and there's someone for everyone".

When I graduated from college, I had a job offer i really liked in Orlando – a company paying to move me to do the type of work I wanted to do. I thought it was great – I get to move to Florida, I get to start a new life and leave the past behind. New and better friends, and surely I'll find that special girl. Right…. Right?

Well fast forward twelve years – things just haven't turned out as planned. I have no real friends, and have barely ever had a relationship.

Meeting new people turned out to be much more difficult than I had imagined. From the day I moved here, I felt like any time I would talk to someone I don't know, they looked at me like I'm an alien. I had a gym memebership – didn't make friends there and didn't make friends at work. Of course it bothered me, but I was young – in my early twenties – surely things would turn around. As the years went on, I just dealt with it – I had good days and bad, but nothing I couldn't handle.

Then, over the past couple years, some things have happened: one pretty big and several others pretty small that have driven me to where I am now.

First, the big thing… There is a woman I became friends with through an online game of all things (try not to laugh). We became friends and kept in touch even after we both quit the game. Deep down, I knew that getting involved with her would under the best case scenarios lead to massive heartache (I could write much, much more on why I thought that). Of course, I ignored my brain. She travelled to visit me last year (she lives in a different area of PA than where I was originally from), and we had a great time. I had what I always wanted and what I had been missing out on my whole life. After she left, though, she just didn't seem interested in seeing my or even talking to me any more, though. So I had my first case of heartbreak… just something everyone goes through.

Of course there are more little things just adding to the misery. A couple years ago I got a new job. As it turned out, several of my new coworkers were actually close to my age and had interests in common with me. I went to lunch with them most days and hung out with them outside of work on occasion. It was really nice to have friends to do things with. Then, late last year, I got moved to a new project, where I basically work alone. I never see my old coworkers and they never seem interested in doing anything any more.

Then there are the things that shouldn't bug me but do… Facebook… a virtual shrine to my failishness. I joined a little over a year ago. Now I can read all about my high school and college classmates with their spouses, their kids and their social circles. How can I not look at this and wonder where it all went so wrong?

Then there is my grandparent's house when i go to visit every Christmas. I look at my siblings and my cousins. Yep, you guessed it – I am the oldest grandkid and the only single and kidless one. again, how can I not look at this and scratch my head.

You are probably thinking (and I would be thinking the same thing) – "There must be something seriously wrong with that Al guy that prevents him from building friendships and relationships". I don't think that's the case, though. I fee like I am relatively average looking, I have fairly normal interests – all around, I don't think there is anything that out of the ordinary about me. I feel like there is a growing mountain of evidence showing otherwise, though.

Not only am I lonely, I feel like I spend the vast majority of my time worrying about what's wrong with me, what can I do to make it better, and will I be stuck feeling like this for the next 50-60 years?

I feel like I have lost interest in most of my hobbies. Working out used to make me feel better, but it really doesn't any more. I alternate between periods of not being able to sleep and not wanting to do anything except sleep, and I spend most of my time just all around feeling worthless.

So there you have, that's out I ended up here. I guess I am hoping that if nothing else, I can help brighten up someone else's day. Sometimes saying something nice – even if it's something little, can make a world of difference. Hopefully I can get to know some people and we can all help each other.