I was fourteen when I snorted my first pill, my mother had just left my sister and I for my Father’s best friend, who lived about two miles down the road from my family home. I guess I wanted a way to numb the pain of losing her and being stuck with my Dad, who I hated – he also didn’t care much for me either because of me being gay, it only got worse of course from there. I got to where I would take more and more, never thinking I had an issue with prescription pain killers. Then of course, my mother left the man she was with and my family reunited (stupidly); barely a year passes and we had all moved into a new place, in a new city. While living all back together was nice at first, it was clear my parents were never meant to be back together, they were both getting prescriptions at the time, so I began stealing the pills from both of them, they were too busy fighting to notice what I was doing upstairs in my bedroom. One day I woke up and my mother was gone once again, this time she had left me but took my sister with her, at this time I was 16. I moved back in with my dad and kept abusing pills. Then, after three months of being with another new man my mother married. This new man was uneducated and awful, but I wanted to be near my mother so I’d go around, I figured out where her & his drugs were and began stealing from her & the new husband. It got to where the only time Id go see my Mother and her new husband was to score, well another year passes, by now I’m living with my sister, I have a job, and I’m actually doing not bad, then my sister becomes pregnant with my mothers new husbands son, which caused me to spiral out of control. I literally drank away that whole next year. Two more years pass with me abusing the drugs, then I decided I had had enough of the ups and downs of the pain killers, I sought out rehab treatment but couldn’t afford it. I began seeing a FNP for my depression and anxiety issues, but all they would do is write me scripts, while I was seeing this doctor I was prescribed valuim, klonopin and adderrall, luckily I never became addicted to any of those, I eventually was drug tested and failed for having pain killers in my system. Once I failed I just gave up again and continued to use until about five months ago, that is when I began buying suboxone off of someone for a decent price not to abuse but to use to get better. Now five months later I’m coming off of it as well because I’m so over the whole ordeal, i’m only twenty two years old and the majority of my teenage years/adult years have been a hellish cycle of pain and using. I’m ready to be the best me I can be, and all that good stuff. One day at a time, right?
A94M, , Addiction, Addiction, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Medication, Relationships, 1