A lot has changed in the years since I first got sick. I’ve gotten diagnoses, lost diagnoses, lost old friends, gained new ones, given up on old dreams and discovered new plans for the future. However, even though the years since diagnosis have been uncertain and will likely continue to be that way, one thing remains the same; I haven’t changed.

Well, that statement is not entirely true. Chronic illness has changed me. I’ve learned patience, compassion and to be more accepting of my limitations. Aspects of my personality have been altered, and I have been physically changed. But what made me *me*, remains unchanged.

I’m older now, wiser and a little more careful. But I’m still the same wide eyed optimist I was at 16. I still dream at night of Karnak and the pyramids at Giza, although for now I settle for experiencing them through books and documentaries. Hiking boots and ski gear are still in my closet and garage, in the hope that someday I will be able to use them.

If you are ever going to love me

Love me now, while I can know The sweet and tender feelings

which from true affection flow.

Love me now while I am living Do not wait till I'm gone and then have it chiseled in marble.

Sweet words on ice cold stone.

If you have tender thoughts of me, please tell me now.

If you wait till I am sleeping, Never to awaken, there will be death between us

and I won't hear you then.

So, if you love me, even a little bit,let me know while I am living so I can treasure it.