How much of it's true,
That the way we grew up has a deep impact on how we are as adults and the choices we make?
How real, is it to be able to unlearn things that are not good forus?
Me, just an outsider in the play of my life. I sit quietly and observe myself change yet stay the same. I am different from my family and this causes me a great deal of dispair, because i see things they can't and i feel what they won't.
So now the big job of designing the self you want … but you have nothing to work with for all there is ,is emptyness , sorrow and confusion. I ask myself what is wrong with me ?! Why is it so hard to find a person that trully cares like i care for them?
Why do i get so attached to people when i know i shouldn't?
I find myself doing this over and over again and i die a little more each time. People dissapoint me.
I amdissillusionedwith life and the idea i had of it
I am dissillusioned with relationships
I am tired of encountering broken people like myself and helping them, then when i am not useful anymore i am forgotten.
I hate people who are unnapriciative.
I hate feeling like there will never be an escape from my life. That this is my destiny, to serve someone to be there for someone.
I tire of reaching out to people…
I'm tired of doing the work that shouldve been explained to me better , but what's worse of all is i realize i am trully all alone. What a fool i am to think that people see me for me and they will be there…
This is a new stage in my depression numb in terrible pain feeling like i can't move or do anything any longer. I write here in my lonely secret place where i hope a stranger will read this at least someone knows even if they don't care… I think my life will end sooner than i thought.
It's sad to think they way i do…
That i won't even kill myself because the people in my life depend so much on me that if i'm gone they won't be able to make it…
But it doesn't matter i will leave everything ready so that they'll know and then they can go on with their lives…
I understand now why so many people go on public assistance and dissability because this fucking world never gives you a chance specially if you're alone like i am…Choices we make… In my case i have never had a choice i have always been chained down by something. All in my life is out of my control all i've always had are small things that i have control of they mean nothing to me.
Whatever i don't care
Really bad day i wish i could just die