Well, I’m nervous as fuck. Suppossedly our apartment is a pretty safe bet, when it comes to hurricanes, but I don’t like that this is a category four, that none of our windows are boarded up. I couldn’t find a way to board mine up. I’m on the third floor and, right outside, where our trash should be, in the parking lot, outside our windows, is a dumpster seriously full of debris from old broken furniture and bed boxes that has me all nervous. I wish I hadn’t noticed it, then I’m glad I did because I need to be ready, right? You see, my plan was to just chill, sleep. I have Valerian and I have tequila. I have books and candles. I have the necessary means to relax myself but how how can I relax when that pile of projectiles is right outside my window?!?? That freaks me out (Like, how am I supposed to let my guard down, to sleep????) and I’ve been through plenty of hurricanes before. I come from Puerto Rico, so we’re used to them, but I always pass them with people. I’m by myself, this time. The first time in experiencing a hurricane all by myself… I mean… there’s my cat, so that’s one comfort, and then I went into total hoarding mode when it came to buying canned food and I used up a lot more money than I should have. I’m real mad at myself for that because I was happy October came because it gave me a new financial chance than September did, which was miserable but, nope! Had to sabotage myself with anxiety and I know I’m being hard on myself, it’s just it feels like this is the only venue I can be completely honest in and about how I feel, right now. I feel like, if I tell my family members, what’s going through my head, like, that’s not gonna do anyone good, I don’t think. It might do me good to vent but there’s not much anyone else can do. Funny thing, my Dad texted me from no-contact, of course, because he was worried and that’s understandable but he said he’d be willing to pick me up if anything happened and here I am, feeling all abandoned and shit, & the guy that I cut from contact is offering me this but I gotta remember why I wanted to cut cords, because he’s good at providing certain things but it all comes at a very steep price. I love him and at least it’s nice to know that I’m not left forgotten. I know my sisters are thinking about me and my parents or, I don’t know that my Mom’s worrying a lot; she’s asleep already. My grandparents called me too, so we’ll see. I just have to ride this out, trying to not amp myself up, more than I should. It’s probably gonna be fine but, to all of you out there, going through this hurricane too, stay safe. Stay close to your loved ones. I hope this passes by quick and doesn’t do any terrible damage. Until next time, Alex.