i swear that i have been so damn down before, but i have hit a new low. at what point do i give in? i find no pleasure in life but one thing for the most part. i\'m working at everything i have to do as hard as i can although i can barely get out of bed when i can actually sleep. i have ptsd like nightmares and wake up with panic attacks or i just cry. but now it\'s to the point that when i do sleep, that i have so low of energy that i would rather sleep with panic attacks and cry then get out of bed.

i don\'t eat for pleasure. i eat just because it\'s required. my wholw outlook is dim. i have hope for the 24th of aug. but i litteraly feel so week and cold that i can barely think at times. my memory is shot and my whole body hurts. i am scared as to how every aspect of my life will turn out.

i don\'t wanna feel like this. i don\'t wanna bring people down. i wanna support those in my life that i love and everyone on here like i used to do so long ago. i wanna talk to my Mom and tell her how much i cry and miss her, i wanna tell the same thing to my niece and nephews, but i can\'t make them cry, we love eachother so much. i wanna talk to my Mom right now, i wanna talk about all that i have went through out here. but i won\'t worry my Mom or family. and believe it or not i try and not worry anyone that i love no matter how much we promised to be there for each other. things change and with that promises change. i have to keep learning to adjust.

please something break me out of this freezing cold exsistance. what keeps me going is the few days and few minutes that i have to see the one thing that brings me true joy.

i\'m sorry if i make friends on here and can\'t talk as much and get behind on my comments. when i feel like this it\'s all i can do to talk to my own family.

it\'s freezing inside, can i borrow a blanket?