This is my first blog on this website. I was actually searching for a local support group in my community, but just like everything else in this town, the help does not exist. Therefore I figure at least I have an online outlet. Writing is usually theraputic for me, so it should help.

So what brings me here is a whole lot of depression over many changes in my life. I am in the military, and that lifestyle requires me to move around a lot, which creates a lot of isolation. I could get into the details of my isolation, but then I would have to write a book. The short story is that I fell in love with a wonderful man, then I got my orders to move 1700 miles away from him. Due to a manipulative ex wife of his, he is not able to move with me, and the long distance took a toll on our relationship. Now I am struggling to cope with the loss, and breakup. THe most difficult part is I dont understand how he could tell me he loves me one day, and then the next tell me he doesn't anymore. Makes me wonder if all the time we spent together, all the plans we made, all the sharing was all just a lie. So every word that ever came from his mouth was just a lie?!

Today I tried to make a connection and sent him a text telling him I still love him. He ignored it as he usually does, and again I feel worthless. He really does not care anymore, and I have to move on. I dont want to, and I especially dont want to face the lonliness I wake up to everyday.

Oh how I wish things could have been different. If only he cold have moved with me.