When i was 19 whilsti served in the army, 2 weeks before my 20th birthday i lost my mum whom died of cancer. 2weeks after my birthday my gran (mums mum) died of grief, i lost my two pillars of support in life (my parents divorced whilst i was young, and dont have many happy memories from childhood).
A few months later i was posted to N.Ireland on active duty, it was deemed better for me it would take my mind of things. Altho i was grieving i did this tour of duty but on reflection this left me a changed man.
I ended up getting into trouble with the law.. being discharged from the army and my life has been a rollercoaster ride of a further 25 years of real highs and extreme lows… the highs not lasting very long the lows lasting at times for an eternity.
i have had 3 failed relationships the last ending a month ago, due to my girlfriend being unable to cope with my eratic behaviour and anger thus resulting in me having to leave the family home and my 6 month little boy.
i cannot seem to deal with stress very well and before christmas life started to become very stressfull, my sister had cancer (she was 32) and was giving till April 2012 to live, my son was born nov 29, two weeks later i broke my leg and was in a plaster for 6weeks then an air cast boot for four months, ontop of this i had the csa on my case about maintenance for an older child for whom i was paying for but not enough according to them. i was worried about my job because the fracture wasnt healing, which also then began the worries of money|
Sadly my sister died in April this year, her funeral was difficult for me as she was my baby sister, 2 days later i had to rehome my loving pet dog due to family issues and a further 3 weeks on my relatiomship fell apart due tothe constant stress and argueing.. I was so close to taking my life, the lowest point that i have been, i've lost all that i have ever loved because of my insecurities and not letting people in…..I am just so scared now my future looks bleak i want to get off this rollercoaster i just want some normality…