Hi Everyone

This is my first time on here. I came to this website to try to find comfort by seeing that I am not alone with what I am suffering. Right now I feel drained of energy. I will start at the beginning. I got married in July, I am 25 and all of that went well and I love my husband so much. After the honeymoon, I started a new job and was then made redundant at the beginning of November. A day later, an agency contacted me to see if I was interested in a new career and before I knew it, I was on a train to Manchester city centre for an interview (about an hour away from where I live). I had to go through 4 intensive interviews, each time travelling on the train, before they finally offered me the job. I was so excited about it. However my new job doesn't start until January. So I have had three weeks at home. My new boss then invited me to join them for a day to see how things are done and that was last Thursday. On the Wednesday before, my heating broke down so I was freezing and a little bit anxious about my first day. On the Thursday, I was up early – a shock to the system after beeing off work for 3 weeks. I ended up having diahorrea then, got ready to go. I got in the car and felt sick. I havent been sick for 15 years and am really scared of it. I started to feel a bit panicky. I arrived at the train station and felt very shaky and bought my train ticket and then rushed to the loo where I had another bowel movement and still felt very sick. I went to the platform and had chest pains and was trembling and didn't know if I was hot or cold and was feeling very nauseas and was close to running back to my car to go home. I didn't want to stuff up my new job so when the train arrived, I got on. I had a book with me and tried to read but I found it difficult to concentrate. I tried breathing deeply to calm down but all of my muscles were tense and now aching. Somehow I arrived an hour and 20 minutes later at my destination where I went to the loo again and had another lot of diahorrea. I felt a little calmer, found my way to the office and once inside, started to calm down but all day I felt off colour. On the journey home I was still shaky and by the evening I was having another attack at home and felt on edge for the next 3 days. On Monday I woke up and felt very anxious and sickly again and couldn't face any food until 2.30pm. I arranged an appointment with the doctor for 4.30pm. My husband came home for lunch and I cried because I didn't understand what is wrong with me. I went to the doctors and ended up crying again as I told him what had happened on Thursday and he said it could be anxiety and depression together. He gave me Diazepan to help to calm the anxiety and asked me to go back in 2 weeks as he may condider medication for depression. He told me to take the tablets when I felt I needed them rather than 3 times a day. So he only gave me 14. I did feel calmer after taking it. Yesterday I didn't feel too bad, My heating was fixed in the morning so the house was warmer and I was managing to eat a bit more. I decided to have the car the following day (today) to do a trial run to my new offices and go shopping. As the night time approached, I started to have indigestion and worried about going to bed. I think I worry about going to sleep in case I wake up having a panic attack.  I got all worked up and had to control my breathing and finally I went to sleep. This morning I was anxious again, had diahorrea again and as I got dressed, I decided to take a tablet. I took my husband to work and then came back home where I ended up crying my eyes out because yesterday I thought I was getting a grip of myself and today, I feel I am right back to where I started. I'm frightened to eat anything in case I feel sick, which then makes me panic and the thought of going out makes me worried. I have been crying all morning because I feel I should be able to get a grip on things and I seem to be failing. I don't understand where all this has come from, I am happily married and I have just got a job where I can make a lot of money, but not without hard work. It is the start of a promising career. I'm not sure if all of this is because I am worrying about the job, or if because I have been off work for so long now, I am worrying about how I will cope getting back into the swing of things. Does anyone have any advice please?

1 Comment
  1. NoGoodReason 14 years ago

    Wow! Well you have come to the right place. Have you ever had these kind of experiences before? This sounds like an intensive attack of anxiety to me, and from your blog it would seem to be centered around two important life changing events, you just got married and you lost one job and got right into another. First of all tell yourself its ok, no need to freak out because you feel anxious, these are important events in your life! Go ahead and feel anxious! Of course you are allowed to feel something about these occurrences.

    My know-it-all theory is that our feelings of over-anxious-ness are encoded in our genetics; some of us are more prone to it than others. A million years ago, when we felt threatened and suddenly started sweating or our hearts started beating rapidly and we felt a rush of adrenaline, there was probably good reason…we were probably really about to be attacked by a lion or some other creature? So now, since our current situation has evolved into something much more civilized, we do not need those instinctive reactions to intense events, but some of us are so strongly prone to this we just cannot help it. Again, its natural and not something to be feared or hated, but if you feel like crying, go ahead! Let it out.

    In a quick blog I can be of little help, it sounds to me like what you really need is someone to talk to…a friend, your spouse or best of all a good therapist. Finding one can be stresssful but it is worth the effort. I agree with Chrishenda, the pills in this case are a short term solution, and there is something more going on here, just not sure what it can be. – NGR

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