I found this site the other day when I was looking to see if there is any possibility of a cure for depression. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel, cos nobody really wants to know, and if they did it would push them ever further away. Besides, I only have one friend that I keep in contact with and she has her own problems. It’s my own fault I don’t have friends, cos I don’t bother with people. I’m quite a loner and always have been, but it would be nice to have friends that I can talk to about how I’m feeling. I have sisters and a grown up daughter, but I can’t talk to them about how I feel.
I can honestly say that I can’t remember ever being really happy. People have said I’m negative, and yes it’s true I am negative, because I can’t see the point of my life. If I had the guts I would end it all now, but I don’t have the guts to actually do it. I have had several relationships over the years, some of the men have been good souls and some have been bad. But I don’t seem able to be happy, I find fault with them all the time. I think maybe its just that I haven’t found the right man, but I wonder if such a man exists, maybe its just me, maybe I will never be happy.
Perhaps I should just stay on my own because I wouldn’t want to be with me. I’m miserable, I moan all the time, I’m never happy, I’m fat, spotty and ugly. But, at the same time I can’t bear the thought of being alone forever more, what is the point? I just want to be different, I want to be something I’m not, but I know that is unrealistic. What can I do?