I don’t know what’s really going on with me lately. I know part of it is all this stuff that’s going on with my airway and the possibility of major surgery. But otherwise, I should be fairly happy because things are going decent at home and the surgery means being able to breathe better and possibly talk better.

But it also reminds me of the things that I’ve missed out on and have ruined for myself. I’ve ruined my chance to go to college any time soon because I can’t get the grant I need because two years ago I stupidly dropped out early which meant I had to pay back part of the grant money, which I haven’t done, in order to recieve it again. I was so stupid and immature back then. I look back now and want to kick myself in the ass because I could be making decent money now and be in alot better shape than I am in now.

Michael tells me not to dwell on it, that I can go back in a year or two after we pay the 1000 dollars we owe and that I can get a degree then. And yes, I kinda agree, because by then, both the boys will be in school and I won’t have to worry about paying for daycare which is really expensive.

I don’t know, I’m just in one of my ‘pity me’ moods that accomplish nothing except more sorrow on my part, which sux.

I better get going, I gotta do some stuff around the house before I go to bed.



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