So today wasn't a good day, it always starts out ok, then from noon on until 5-6 The beast comes out! this paticular beast is over losing one of my best friends.. I have said this before. I was communicating with a girl on another web site.. we "click" and became very good friends.. not so much talking about our battle with depression.. (she) has been dx bipolar.. long story short we talk every day for two years then about 3 weeks again she quit calling.. no word at all to my emails, voice messaging .I communicated with her sister on facebook.. she and her mom were helpful at first then nothing… my "friend" stopped any kind of commucations on facebook. I believe she pretty much "blocked" me. The problem for me is that she has never said what I did or did not do or if she just became bored with our friendship.. but it feels so much more than that! She left her husband day after christmas with her two kids, Got hooked up with a guy pretty much right after.. and I am afraid that is when our talks did not seem so important to her, cuz she had alex.. what hurt the most is just leaving me.. with no explantation. I always felt like I was a support for her.. kinda like she was my way younger sister/daughter.. so this afternoon I had yet another big cry.. I deleted anything or body that might have any connections to her on facebook,,, we have no mutual friends now. well except her X . tomorrow I will pack aways all the memories from my office. and try to forget she was ever in my life. Because I know she has done that to me, and she I am pretty sure has not given me one thought!

I have such trust issues in the begining and I remember telling her that, do lie, just be straight with me… as it turned out she did neither.

3 Comments
  1. cj2011 10 years ago

    Thank Louise, i won't take all the blame.. but I must have done something.. and that is the part that kills my heart.  I need to  come to terms with the loss and realize that I will probably never know what happened.. so now it is just a day by day.. waiting for the day that it does not hurt so bad. today I will be taking down all the trickets that I got from and and pictures etc. I will do better without the constant reminders.. thanks again.

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  2. nicole2210 10 years ago

    HELLO,

    I  AM NICOLE AND I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOST…

    KEEP IN MIND SHE IS SICK AND POSSIBLY HURTING, AND HURT PEOPLE… WELL, THEY HURT PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY THOSE CLOSES TO THEM…

    THE BEST YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF IS FORGIVE HER AND MOVE ON.

    AND IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF  PRAYER, PRAY FOR HER.

    AND I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU

    MANY HUGS AND LOVE TO YOU, BE ENCOURAGED MY FRIEND

     

     

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  3. cj2011 10 years ago

    First thank you for your prayers… afternoon are hard because that is when we would talk on the phone.. still an huge empty whole. It is hard to believe I had nothing to do with it.. and I believe I maybe I put too many expectations on her.. to call, or whatever.. I always said to her if she wants to cut back I would sure understand.. now I think she didn't want to hurt my feelings and kept calling  although she also said if she didn't want to call she wouldn't.  guess the later came through, I just thought I would have been given some notice, some type of good bye.. whoa, now I am starting to cry again and I really don't want too. she was just so damn  special.. I admired her for getting through her last crisis and I thought I was helping her through it.. now.. she has a friend close by and doesn't need me.. I get that… again if she would have just told me that instead of stopping all communications…

    Yes, I do pray for her often, I will continue to love her regardless and she needs to know I will be there for her when ever!!

    thanks again for the kind and wise words.

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