PROLOGUE: Well in writing this, I'm hoping that it will ACTUALLY post this time. Seems like yesterday was all messed up in the DT blog space. Which actualy bugs me more than it should. I come to rely on DT as my 'Venting' space. Any thoughts, however random, once I put them out there in my blog space, it helps me deal with them. Whats frusturating for me now is, those thoughts that I had yesterday, are still floating around in my head today, so i'll have to put them down NOW. But they doen't seem as previlent as they were yesterday. Look at me going on… sorry to anyone who ever might (For whatever reason) read this blog other than myself. Not that i even read them over that much.. maybe the old ones.. I sure hope i'm not on this site for years to come, but then again the future is so unknown.
Today was ok. Ok being the word. I went into school around midday to have another one of the "social get together" with the other people in the diploma classes, and the other community services classes. I was able to catch up with one of the girls from my last class, it was nice to see tha she got into the disability support class. She was really worried about it. She said that she wasn't surprised to hear I had got into diploma. That surprised me. I think somehow I seem to put forward a smarter image than i really am. I'm not smart. No one was more surprised about getting into the diploma class than me. Though I know I wont be bluffing my way through the next two years. The whole idea of this high a level schooling scares the crap out of me. I keep on thinking that I wont actually complete it. I'll drop out, like everything else that I do. I don't WANT to drop out, and i'm going to try as hard as I can NOT to. BUT its not the point. I'm terrified. I was able to talk to a couple more new people, and i'm not the only one coming from that little schooling. Though the other lesser schooled people in the class are actually 19 ish. So it makes me look dumb. I keep having the same thought that i'll end up back in psych with this class. I just hope that it doesn't happen. i'm trying to not let everything get to me, and everything hasn't even STARTED yet.
Anyway after the BBQ, picked up my little sister from school as I had promised. Then came home to watch more Charmed DVD's. Did some paperwork I had to do, then called my old work to get some MORE paperwork for the stupid centrelink (social security payments for those who, again for whatever reason, are not in aus).They said that i'd have to wait until next week to get the paperwork I need coz i havn't recieved my final leave payouts. Fine by me, but just makes everything more drawn out.
Yesterday: I worried, and still worring about the fact that I may have broke up with my ex for no damn good reason. I thought he was talking to several girls on FB, which he WAS, but I checked the dates,and he had actually stopped talking dirty to them while we were going out, AND he hasn't spoke to them since. I feel like such an IDIOT. The first good thing i've had in a while, and I sabotage myself. I DO think however that it probably was the right thing to do. There were still some things that he did that worried me. Sigh.
The last few days i've had a few drinks. Nothing major, just a few to settle me at night. I found this really nice green apple vodka. I can actually drink it straight. I don't want this to become a habbit again, but right now its just helping me. But the wierd thing about the drinking, is that i'm also taking caffiene tablets. I like the way they make me feel. That probably explains the length of this blog tonight. I took three.