I am goin through post break-up depresion, anxiety, heartache…etc. It is tough.

But believe me, I know that it is just a small glitch compared to life’s other obstacles and challenges. Dad passed on long time ago, psychizophrenic mother (whose personality type is another story- narcissistic, absent), special needs sister (delayed mental development). Victimization in the workplace. Relatives who have always lived distant. Friends who always seem to disappear at the most convenient times. Suffering from anxiety, OCD/rocd, pmdd, depression.

Relationships seem as if they are the only things which I can choose. However I am still not able to sway its direction towards my happiness. I have been “blessed with bad luck”, if I may. I make choices but in the process of the relations, I always receive the short end of the stick. Not only have I been having this experience since 18 but it seems as though it is continuing as I go through life.

How could they live normally after, even prosper, become more successful, thrive, with me living in a dark world? Yes everyone has their bad days but in comparison, these people seem to prosper more, the more they are bad. I struggle, I do. I have to put up a fight for everything I want and you know what, most times I fail, I don’t get things, don’t matter how hard I try.

Worked straight out off school, saved up to go college, worked again, restarted school. Now as you may guessed yes….have to work again to save money again. (don’t have to say how job hunting is in today’s economic situation). Society says work hard for what you want, knowledge is power, etc. So how come I try to look at all angles and push myself to the limit only to fail in the end? How come I am always turned down?

I am really feeling depressed, hurt , alone. This relationship made me feel as though I was not good enough. Maybe because I did not possess certain things, idk… This is my first blog ever, not only on this site, but generally. In the next one I would write about relationship alone. Too much to say…

I just really feel down and out > life, what have I ever done to deserve this? There is never a day when I can just “smile only“.