do you ever get up in the morning and
everything in your head's just too loud?
undistinguishable sounds, voices, images
all leave you unsure of who you are or
where you actually happen to be?
unrecognizable all that surrounds you
you hope the Mothership's number
will soon come back to mind so you
can plan an effective escape ?

 

do you ever go outside and the décor
suddenly transforms into a bright blur,
and the only clarity your eyes provide you
is the illusion that 2 people are in fact 1 000?
swarming, overcrowding those bodies are…
the strangers' faces mutate and change wildly,
their malicious eyes staring through you,
the ambiance only feels like they're plotting
to torture and destroy you?
you sense terribly their bodies' warmth
getting closer – your skin goes wishing
it could crawl away,
your blood goes in overdrive
making your ears buzz,
and you seek desperately that
rush of cold air in your lungs?

 

do you ever lose the capacity
to feel you are a living being
to then realize the ground below
you slipped away sneakily?
your legs then remind you
of gravity's existence,
while a growing scorching heat
feels ready to combust you whole,
making your body understand that
soon it'll need to flee to safety?

 

do you ever see a wooden door
to be a frightening thing and
whenever you place your gaze
or thoughts in its direction,
your eyes ruin the dryness
of your shirt every time?
although immobilized, you summon
the strength to go through anyway,
out in the open air and light
where everything is so vast,
only to be seized by the arms
of terror pushing and shoving?

 

and when outside (in hell), you try to
suppress the crushing weight,
while you hurriedly walk
to your car's confines
and hope you won't
crack down on the way…
you believe the box on
wheels with its locked doors
will keep your irrationale
from reaching you anymore,
but even when you get there,
everything isn't right still,
you're just as much choked
and you just want to be home?

 

do you ever feel this way even
with the closest people to you,
and you try to tell but the words
get stuck in your throat?
fully aware their puzzlement
and frustration grow for you,
you are silenced by your mind
just the same and you push
them away from your life when
in reality all you ever want
is for them to be there… ?

 

 

2 Comments
  1. FiineMoods 7 years ago

    Thank you, Dulcinea… I've written this to its worst exaggeration of anxieties.  I'm sorry to hear you can relate to this somewhat… I know your feelings of familiarity to this speaks of much pain… I hope you're feeling ok these days… as I know it's sometimes not too obvious to get through a day when going through these similar feelings.  *hugs* xx  -FM

     

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  2. FiineMoods 7 years ago

    Ah you are too kind 🙂  Thanks for taking the time with me and my writings, means a lot to me.  *hugs* xx

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