I’m new to this site, so it’s interesting for me to see that others suffer just like I do. I wish I could say that I am a normal eighteen year old, who hangs out with friends on the weekends and loves some part of her life. But I happen to have severe OCD, namely "Pure O." I have horrible sexual thoughts constantly about family members or friends. It makes me incapable of having a boyfriend, and when I am around my family or friends that I am having bad thoughts/obsessions over, I avoid them to get rid of anxiety and because I feel so guilty and awful. These thoughts are destroying me as a person, and I often hate myself. I used to be able to see that it’s all OCD, but after four counselors and two medications (zoloft and prozac) and still no success (in fact, I feel that I am worse), my hope for recovery is waning. I am absolutely miserable and feel like an awful person, so I have a lot of depression. Sometimes I am afraid to get out of bed or too depressed to do anything. I was looking forward to Christmas break, but it has been the worst break ever, as I have obsessed non-stop every day. I am seeing a new counselor and psychiatrist who look promising and want to do cognitive behavioral therapy, but I just am so sick of waiting to get better. I am so sick and disgusted that I often can’t eat. I cannot even go to sleep at night, and my psychiatrist has me on some sort of tranquilizer to help me sleep. The worst part is that I feel so awful for my thoughts and for upsetting my poor mother. My sister doesn’t really understand and gets frustrated. She tells me that I can "just turn the thoughts off" and it annoys me that she doesn’t get that I can’t! I know that OCD is a mental/anxiety disorder, and I am occasionally able to see how irrational my thoughts are. I often feel slightly better after mentally calming myself down, but then when a thought comes, everything goes out the window, and the thoughts seems real and true. Does anyone have intense, vivid sexual images about people they love and truly think it’s true? Do you get the "groinal response" and obsess/ think the thought over and over to see if you are aroused? Each time I (obviously due to OCD) think I am and obsess even more until I burst out crying in horror and anxiety and frustration. OCD has nearly totally ruined my family relationships, me, and my relationship with God (as I have blasphemous thoughts too), and I feel like a shell of what I once was. I hate this!!