My story starts sometime in the 1980's . I was born to an acholic father and a mentally ill mother in Dallas on a spring day .Some of my earliset memories are of my dad coming home from the navy severly intoxiacated from the navy ,pushing my mom down the stairs, and yelling and screaming . Sometimes my paternal grandmother would come over and her and my mother would fight like cats in the alley chasing each other and sometimes get violent .But , back in those early days my grandma used to call me her "little angel " later on in life it became "little selfish bitch."

We moved from Dallas to the midwest when i five . There were constant domestic disputes the cops were called frequetly . I suffered from nightmares and anxiety from an early age . I would watch my dad go in and out of rehab only to come out and drink even more . i remember being severly disturbed once when I was a kid my dad told my mom he wanted to cut her head off ,

. He wasn't serious , but i couldn;t sleep because I took it serious . I had an ok time at school from second through third grade even had freinds . It didn't last long when my parents divorced my world literally fell to pieces . i started to act out and didnt make the honor roll anymore and was failing my classes . My mother was more interested in men then me , so she would leave me with my abusive aunt who would at theage of nine try and get me to go on a diet and tell me my future was doomed , because I wasn't intelligent . i would call my grandmother who lived in California later on and she would tell me she was busy or to take responsibilty for my life at the age of ten .I was an extremly lonely child I had no freinds no parents around no guidnace .

I was unloved I and not paid attention to .My dad would move back and forth to California for years to live with is mother , beacuse she enabled him and was lonely and wanted company .She even would suggest for him to go drinking with him to her old fart freind's house with the knowledge thathe battled acholism and had a little girl 2,000 odd miles away .I would get the odd phone call from him sporitcally and started to feel suicidal at the age of nine .It got worse much worse school became my hell constant bullying told I was ugly , poor ,retarted got beat up in the school yard . Kids would tell I was so ugly i should kill myself.I would go home to an emotionally absent mother who worked two jobs because my father didn't pay child support .

I was left at my aunt's house alot so my mom could date men and have fun and the aunt would verbally assult me . Ihad no escape at school or home I was truly in purgatory .It gets even worse i'm afraid I started to put on weight i wa san emotional eater at the time so junior high was even worse . Boys would throw things at me tell me they wanted to kill me that i was from the gutter .I would tell my mother and she would mock me and say, " wahhh i don't want to go to school because the kids bullied me . I would go to california and visit my grandmotehr for the summer lucky me she was a miserable , mean soul. She would get angry and flip out over the weirest things and hit me and tell me I was a little bitch and she didn;t want me to talking to her sons when i was only eleven years old.

She would constaly say grow up , that is so childish , ffs I was a child. She would then after a few weeks call the airlines and tell them she was going to have a . "goddamn stroke if I didn't leave on an earlier ticket." All I did was kid things and she despised it .I decided later on to lose weight I wa tired of being bullied and was lonely and wanted a boyfreind so I did , but to no avail . the kids still made fun of me this time though the girls spread rumors that I was a slut and had aids . My mom tried to put me in a foster home at fourteen because I wasn;t going to school .She only did this because there was a new law that if your kids didn't go to school you could go to jail . My dad was away again with his mommy of course .I didn;t get a youth go to dances , go on dates i mourn for this even to this day .

Everyone in my family abused me . In my late teens I would get manic and do stupid things with men and one night I paid for it deeply by getting raped . My mother kicked me out at eighteen , for that was a long wish of hers to get rid of me , and sent me to california with my drunken pill addict father and my abusive grandma .It was hell on earth when i was there , My father would hit me over the strangest things like not complimenting his teeth . My grandmother would stir up trouble .

My mom let me came back , but I came back a broken person . She acted like she hated me and was doing me a favor by talking to me . I feel into a severe depression and escaped through GED homework and fantasies ,I still dated but all the wrong men . To be continued running out of steam ….

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