Whats wrong with me? I have everything I could ever want, I became popular which is what I wanted, but I didn’t think I would feel this huge void in my heart. When I look in the mirror all I can see what’s wrong with me, my fat thighs my ugly face. I need something to take the edge off something to help me, I don’t know what to do? I had an Idea but I know it’s dumb, I think part of  the problem is my self esteem issue, so what if I took more of my 8dhd medicines to help me lose the weight. But I know the long term affects will be drastic and I don’t think it will be making me feel better, But all I can think is vomiting its in my mind all day everyday and so is cutting. I have everything I wanted but I cant be happy. I feel like every step I take, i’m making a mistake. I just will never understand why I just can’t feel happy.

Today was like any other day except today I felt a change in me. I don’t know what is was but I just feel dead inside, like something is wrong with me, and like everything I do will never be good enough. I started wearing make up, and I know that probably doesn’t mean anything to you but it does to me, I feel like I am constantly wearing a mask and If i take it off I will be alone, its as if this huge weight is on my shoulders trying to keep me that perfect popular girl, and if i’m anything else i’ll be alone. The one person who understood me got sent away and i’ll never see her again, and I know she is not dead but I feel like she is because i’ll probably never will see her again.