BLAH BLAH BLAH SAME OLD SAME OLD TODAY I CANT REALLY REMEMBER HOW I WANT FEEL ANYMORE I KNOW HOW BUT FEELING IT AND WANTING IT IS A DIFFERENT STORY , ITS ALWAYS WORSE IN THE MORNING WHEN I WAKE UP STRAGHT AWAY I KNOW WHETHER ITS GONNA BE A GOOD OR BAD DAY, LATELY THEYVE BEEN OK, IVE REALIZED THIS IS ME NOW, ITS NOT A CASE OF WISHING EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY THAT I COULD GO BACK TO HOW I USED TO BE, I NO ITS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.  I KNOW NOW IM NOT AS WEAK AS I THOUGHT I WAS TO GET THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND STILL MANAGE A SMILE. I KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT WORSE!, A BAD THOUGHT DOESNT MAKE MY HEART START BEATING AT 1OO MILES A MINUTE ANYMORE, ITS EASIER TO IGNORE AND DISCARD AND I RARELY HAVE TO THINK OF A GOOD THOUGHT TO CANCEL OUT THE BAD, BUT AS IM GETTING ON WITH MY LIFE SLOWLY BUT SURELY IM STARTING TO FIND MYSELF OBSESSING OVER OTHER THINGS, AS BEFORE I WOULD MAINLY BE OBSESSING OVER ONE THING, NOW IT SEEM OTHER THINGS HAVE BEEN ADDED TO IT, KINDA LIKE THE FILM 50 IST DATES THE WAY SHE REPEATS THE DAY, IT FEELS LIKE MY HEAD TRAVELS DOWN THE SAME LINES OVERS IT JUST GOES THROUGH THE SAME MOTIONS AND SAME OPINIONS EVERY DAY. ITS LIKE IVE THOUGHT ABOUT SOMETHING SO MUCH THERE IS NO OTHER ANGLE I CAN LOOK AT IT. ITS NOT EVEN ALL BAD. ANYWAY THIS IS HEAVEN COMPARED TO THIS TIME 2 YEARS AGO I WAS PRACTICALLY COMDEMING MY SELF TO HELL FOR WHAT I WAS THINKING AND GRADUALLY BECOMING SUICIDAl SO THIS IS NOTHING I CANT HANDLE. I EVEN WENT BACK TO CHURCH, ITS FUNNY HOW EVERYONE TURNS TO GOD IN TIMES OF CRISIS, (EVEN THE WORD CRISIS SOUNDS LIKE CHRIST) BUT GOD FELT LIKE AND STILL DOES FEEL LIKE  THE ONLY ONE I COULD TALK TO UNTIL I FOUND OCD TRIBE. I CAN SAY I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE TERM ‘THERES NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF’ OCD IS A FEAR, BUT ITS THE FEAR OF THAT FEAR THATS SCARY, EVERYONE FEARS WHAT THEY DONT UNDERSTAND, AND THE FACT THAT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU THINKING WHAT YOU ARE IS ABSOLUTELY TERIFYING WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR NOT IN CONTROL ANYMORE, ITS THE UNCERTAINTY AND DOUBT IN URSELF THAT FUELS THE VICIOUS CYCLE. IT JUST SEEMS WEIRD TO ME THAT YOUR HEAD KNOWS HOW TO TRAP YOU. ONE OCD SUFFERERS OBSESSION WOULDNT  BOTHER ANOHTER OCD SUFFERER WITH A DIFFERNT OBSESSION IN THE SLIGHTEST! IM JUST GLAD IVE COME THROUGH THE WORSE OF IT NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME WAS TOUTURE, IM THANKFUL I FOUND THIS SITE AND FOR THE FACT THAT NOW I CAN FORGET ABOUT IT WHEN IM BUSY  THERE WAS A TIME I COULDNT FORGET FOR LONGER THAN 60 SECONDS. DURING THE DAY  THE ONLY PROBLEM I HAVE IS THAT I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER. ITS ALWAYS IN A BOX AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD SOMETIMES OPEN SOMETIMES CLOSED OR AJAR BUT IM AWARE ITS THERE. IM JUST THANKFUL OF WHERE I AM TODAY BUT WITHOUT ANY DOUBT in my MIND I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY IGNORANCE IS FUCKING BLISS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 Comment
  1. Sany27 15 years ago

    I can just say well done to you for putting it the way you did and yes the ignorance is brilliant. I’m able to manage my obssesion much better lately as I’ve been very busy lately and forgot about my self especially my obsessions. I’ll just make sure I’ve always something to do and I should be ok.

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