I fuccn hate everything and everybody. i fuccn hate life also. I have 2 beautiful children but im not happy. about a month ago i was kicked out the house with my 2 kids. Im currently staying with my daughters auntie while my son is at his grandma's house with his dad.(They have different dads). Well ever since then i've been pressured to find a place and a job. In the beginning everything seemed possible until 2 weeks ago. My online schooling was failing so i had to drop the classes so it won't affect my GPA. I've applied to a lot of jobs and not one has called me back. I was waiting on my financial aid to help get a place but that's looking like it'll never happen. I'm with my 2 month old while my son is with his dad and i feel guilty that i can't keep them together because of how stressed i am. Then there's the issue with my daughters dad, he doesn't have a job anymore and currently homeless he cant stay with us at his sis house because of some shit he did last year after i left to go stay back with my mom. He can't handle when i go into a depression episode because he hatess seeing me like that but it gets worse cuz he gets so angry for me slipping back that he adds to it with his outrages. now we're broken up for good and once again im a single mom now with 2 kids and 2 different guys. i have no job, no car, no house, and lil tiny bit of sanity left before i call to get locked away in a mental hospital. i keep trying to think of what is my next step where can i apply where can i live? and my mind just keeps saying there's no hope. i feel like there's no hope in anything for me. it's like I was plagued or cursed to live a fuccd up life with nothing for myself. I don't want to do anything anymore, i dont want to be a mom, i don't want to be a girlfriend, and i don't want to be me.

2 Comments
  1. tessamo 9 years ago

     I know what you mean.  I want you to think another way.  Is there any way someone will take care of your kids til you are ready?  You need to finish that degree ASAP.  How much longer do you have?  Don't have any more babies til you get your life together and then some.  A mental hospital won't help. You will just lay there and feel like crap. Can you stay at your moms?

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  2. NuNu06 9 years ago

    My son is with his dad and grandma right now and I'm afraid of him forgetting about me being his mom. I don't want to put my kids off on someone else because it's my responsibility to take care of them. I can't stay with my mind because everytime i went back things just became worse and worse and she wasn't helping at all. I want to go to school for cosmetology but i just found out my counselor at school dropped my classes so my gpa won't go below a 2.0. For that school i have 1 and some months to go since i started last JULY. I want to do the cosmetology thing since it'll keep me busy but i need to also have employment to bring in extra money besides my Govt. Aid. which im not getting a lot for me and 2 kids. I've talked to the homeless dpt out where i stay and they didn't help at all. I don't mind minimum wage right now because it's something to start off with but nobody has called me back for an interview or even gave me an interview when i call to schedule one. I don't know what I want to do as a job because i don't really have any experience or skills that a lot of hiring jobs are wanting. There's a lot of pressure building on me and a lot of stress on me and my bf because everybody is wanting us to do these things within a short timeframe (not even a month). Everything we was counting on has became unexpected and went backwards making more stress on us now. My boyfriend is depressed because his family don't want to help but they keep giving suggestions. I don't want my family's help anymore because they are always negative about shit and when i tell them my plans they shut it down and there's always a lot of fighting in the house that my kids were picking up on. That's the reason im in the situation im in right now. My 2 yr. old son was terrified and shaking and my 2 1/2 month old was crying. The govt wouldnt help just because i didnt have a police report, when we didn't want anyone to go to jail because everybody would have been taking to jail and cps would have gottent my 2 kids and my 12 yr. old sister. I'm tired of going through this shit. it's like my life is plagued with this. I have grown up being abused physically, mentally, and emotionally. and now i noticed it has disrupted the way i function in life. my boyfriend and i want the same thing but we don't know how to go about to get it anymore and i don't want us to resort to degrading ourselves or bad things just to get income to help us. We try to keep each other level-headed. i just dont know what to do anymore.

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