I couldn't hold out any longer and I cut myself… actually, I was just "playing" with a sharp piece of a soda can and pressing it hard against my skin…. mostly I just have red marks all over me, but it did cut through my skin once…. and after that I purposely cut myself with it…. My friends are going to think I let them down by doing this… but really, I feel more like I let myself down…. I'm weak…. I tried to pretend I wasn't but I am…. Hopefully the med change will help me (I'm making an appt tomorrow) but until then, i'm just weak….. Funny, cuz one of my old teachers just sent me an email the other day commending me for being so strong… guess I proved him wrong…. Not that he knows and not that I could tell him anyway… I didn't do this to make a scene… I did it because it's the only way I know how to deal…. What's really wrong with it anyway? I'm not trying to kill myself, I'm just hurting myself and it doesn't hurt anyone else, they don't even have to know (the way it looks, I can tell people I fell in a briar patch… it looks the same)…. so if there's no permanent harm to myself and no harm at all to anyone else, then what is the big fucking deal? People engage in self-harm all the time that's FAR worse but socially acceptable…. like smoking, getting tattoos/piercings, engaging in dangerous activities (like sports, biking… stuff that leaves worse injuries than what I give myself), tanning even can be more harmful if done the way most people do without sunscreen. And yet we're the ones being outcasted for cutting ourselves when it's a temporary injury, far less than what life can deal you doing socially acceptable behaviors…. so maybe, as long as we don't go overboard with it, it's really not all that bad…? Just don't let society know… I think they are just scared of it because they don't understand it. I'm not really trying to advocate this self injury shit, but…. well…. I have a hard time seeing it as something as bad as what everyone else seems to make it. Especially when it can relieve my anxiety so well…. much faster than any other method I've tried.
-
Call Me Crazy
Cassandry33, , Anxiety, Anger, Depression, Medication, Suicide, 0
So the organization I am interning with teamed with Lifetime to present a movie tonight called "Call Me Maybe"....
-
I hate this (rant)
jenn_lynne, , Anxiety, Anger, Anxiety, Career, 0
i hate anxiety…i hate having low self-esteem and no confidence in myself. i feel embarrassed to be this way....
-
Poems
brokeninside, , Anxiety, Anger, Child, Depression, PTSD, 1
Like a symptom of some inept disease or a fotten fig hanging from a tree somehow my relase has...
-
Most of the things people tell you and you think is bullshit
Thelema, , Anxiety, Sex Therapy, 0
Most of the things people tell you and you think is bullshit When you start noticing the opposite sex...
-
If i'm not here
jabceb, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, Obesity, Relationships, Stress, Therapist, 1
If I'm not on here right now I would be so depressed because I have absolutely nothing to do...
-
Rock Bottom
SashaG, , Anxiety, Addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Depression, OCD, Questions, Relationships, 0
SORRY IT'S LONG BUT PLEASE READ. I think I have hit rock bottom. I am only19 and am having...
-
Moon Gazing
nine29, , Anxiety, Depression, 0
My first blog entry. 1:11 A.M. It's sticky hot out. I am looking at the clutter in front of...
-
Vindictive and Moody
mamabear18, , Anxiety, Child, Divorce, 1
Wham-Bam and I hit the proverbial wall. I knew that good mood was too good to be true. I’ve...