Well I’m bored and I kinda can feel the lull creeping up on me. Maybe I should go write bad poetry or something instead of whining about myself.? Lol. Writing’s what I do, as much as I hate talking about myself! Blogs… seem to keep me sane :p Sorry.

The title? Just some page I’m looking at.

1. Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself

2. Get Comfortable in Your Own Skin

3. Let Go of Past Anger

4. Focus on Your Wants and Desires

5. You’re Not the Only One

Lol, not quite sure that means anything. Whoops. Um, listen to that. I guess that was an extension of what I was reading.

Are You My Friend?
1. You give me time
2. You listen to me – and you listen without making me feel judged
3. You’re quick to remind me that I have strengths
4. You help me heal when I’m hurting
5. You tell me the truth when it will help me; you don’t tell me the truth when it won’t help me
6. You show me by your demeanor, tone, and smile that it’s important to you that I feel secure, comfortable, at ease
7. You show me that you’re sorry when you hurt my feelings; you allow me to show you that I’m sorry when I hurt your feelings
8. You don’t abuse me. EVER. You make sure that I know you seek to protect me.
9. You make small surprises for me
10. You find words that support the best that is in me
11. You let me cry when I need to
12. You encourage me to tell the truth to you and to admit when I’m afraid

Um… yeah. Maybe that will answer a few questions for me. Though idk because I’m so hard to answer. Where am I going with this?

Idk. Maybe I need to purge myself of my jealous thoughts. The devil’s in the details, they say. The little things begin to depress me. It’s like, nothing really big and bad is going on, so all the things that probably are meaningless hurt me. Like,

  • You have been members of Aca Dec (Lord Save Us) since 2007.
  • You d in 2006 and then b. u. but you still get along great. It’s complicated.
  • You went to high school with C.
Which I never understood what this affinity meant in the first place. And now I keep staring at this friend detail request on facebook because I don’t know what to do with it Lol, I think it enhanced a low level depression last week. It just makes me sad looking at it and I don’t know why. I guess because I’ve had these unresolved questions all along and it just brought them up. It also brought back the memory of some very painful events – one of the darkest times in my life… but I can’t forget that this was originally the reason why I saw the light in the first place. Lol. I wish there was someone who had the answers. I keep contemplating, but yeah, not so good at that
Nah, I can’t let all my negative thoughts take over me. I’ve finally managed to see through their -like lies. Just feel guilty for being jealous of everyone’s relationships and whatnot. And feeling bored, aimless… stuff. Wouldn’t perhaps be so bad if I had social skills, i.e. knew how to talk. Lol. Then I wouldn’t have to get depressed over how I tend to drive people away. Ya want them but ya can’t have them. Ya have them but ya can’t keep them. Eh. It’s a real downer to think of everything I’m missing.
Lol I guess not realizing if people in my life are friends or just acquaintances. Not that beggars can be choosers. Why think about it, why put myself into a funk. Why risk those fleeting thoughts of self-loathing returning in full-force?
Ugh, I hate talking about myself, but why does that seem to be all I know.
PS – Hi? I hope you don’t hate me already :p Or you may learn to anyway. ah xD



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