I feel like I am never going to make any progess….
Driving with my niece in the car to go shopping for her trip to Florida….On the phone with him….Some guy in weird gas mask and driving a work truck was looking into our car making a weird face….I was making a funny comment by saying, "look at that guy, trying to look at us", to my niece….He all of a sudden flips out on the phone yelling, "Thanks, why dont you have a good night….goodbye!!" I was like are you kidding me right now….."You know I hate when you tell me guys are hitting on you, but you do it anyway! You dont care, you are rude and disrespectful!" I dont think I can deal anymore…I did nothing… I was cracking a joke with my niece…. I was not being disrespesctful…I am not that type of person….. I apologize bc I don't know what else to do to ease the situation…..THe night goes on…..He has practice for his church band…..I was hanging with my niece, walked to her friends house, took some pictures of me with my dog and sent it to him…He asked where the picture was taken, so I told him. At my nieces friends house, on the porch… I text him for most of the night, saying hi and that I missed him….Giving the reassurance everyone has been telling me to give….So finally practice was over and he calls me….The first thing out of his mouth after he says hello, is "where was that picture taken." My response: " I told you, at Cass's friends house." Not in a bad way, not with an attitude. Just basically starting the sentence with I told you, bc I had told him….. And he goes off again….Goodbye…! Hangs up on me and then goes on to text me 5 texts about how I am rude and he cant deal with me anymore, he doesn't deserve to be treated that way and how he was looking forward to talkin to me and has to deal with my disrespectful attitude. So i try to explain that I meant nothing by it…It was just conversation…It was just normal, and I would say it to anyone….Its not just about him….My life is not made to make him miserable….. I feel like I try so hard and it will never be good enough…..He finally calls back later and mentions nothing about the fight at all…..Talks normally to me about our night for about 25 minutes and says he loves me and goodnight…..Why??? Why cant he just aviod the fight by biting his tongue sometimes….Will I be spending the rest of my life explaining myself?? Walking on Eggshells? Being told I am rude, selfish and disrespectful? When I am cetainly not??!?!?!
Hi there…. reading this post is like wacthing a video of me.. used to be exactly like that.. an still have to strugggle with it but they are less commons, last time i told how was the procces with me and how it affected my marriage,( in all the fights leading to the break up and still looking foward he divorse my wife says i always put her down). ..
i belive that ocd as an anxiety disorder comes along with other anxiety disorder so you have an core ocd problem in his case but also can have general anxiety disorder or panicks attacks or social anxiety disorder etc at the same time.. wich plays a role in the ocd.
that guy is big time insecure not of you but of himself and the world.. and right now he cant help it. i remenber me as a kid being overly sensitive to my surronding and people, then i had some traumatics events around 7 years olds and became very shy ,unsecure allways trying to fit in etc and up to this days i'm still surround my self with people i feel good. H e needs to acknolegde this and an a big effort ,,if not you need to move on.
Thank you again for your response…I feel utterly helpless and the fight is over….when he called it was like nothing happened, but next time it happens he will remind me of it all over again…. I know i am not being rude or disrespectful but htas how he seees it….I lov ehim and I care alot…I am tryin to put forth this huge effrot but I feel like I'm coming up empty…=(
What else can I do to help…???
IMHO Ithink is time to get firm about his behavior. is not up to you to help him none other because you cant, he's sick, period..you are doing to part and as far i can tell very good, .he need to addres that…he knows he has ocd, he knows about his insecurities, he knows he's not controlling himself and most important he knows he has your support and is wasting it ,,you need to tell him in plain, no nonesense aproach that and if hes not willing to do his part i think is time to get some distance from him. the more he waits the worst is going to get becuse he will start feeling guilty and frustrated and worthless etc etc etc and then to get out will be much more difficult…… take this coming week or month or year ( is up to you ) to evaluate where is everything is going and make your move.
The problem is that he sees how I say things and How i respond or act to him, as DISRESPECTFUL…how can i get him to not feel this way…why would I purposely do something if I knew it would upset him…at this point Im not even sure what triggers these responses so its like a guessing game for me…..
he see it as disrespectul while he is on crisis.. remenber that this is how his mind is dealing with the doubts, insecurities and whatever others issues are going on inside his head and when a new crisis comes he will connect the dots and start from there again.this will sound more crazy ( if it can:) ) but the things he finds irrespectfull are even creations of his own, it is not about what you did or not, but about what he though were the right answer or behavior that should have taken place to diminish the anxiety originated with his doubts
eveybody has anxiety.. and it is cataloged as a tool in human survieving skills and the normal brain has it ways to compensate and level the anxeity acordingly to its trigger, but in our case that doesnt happen and anxiety gets out of control and we try to diminish then with compulsion in some cases or with compulsive though in others or both
So do you think that alot of these reactions are do to his OCD???
He seems to think not…or says they're not….But I feel that his anger and issues from his past (i dont even know them all because he hasn't shared them all) along with the OCD cause these reactions….I wrote him an email again today telling him that I care so much and he said I know you care….but its too late because I feel he realizes the extremity of his actions after the damage is done and then he does not want to talk about it…just like last night…..Thankyou so much for your responses….i have been trying to read about OCD and learn more so I can undesrtand him better but most people just say this or that, You actually tell me answers that go along with the actual problems that are going on in his mind….i know most people on here have OCD problems that show in like washing hands, or repeating things or diong them a certain way….My BF is different. He does minor things like checking the receipt at the restaurant a few times and the gas receipt, but his thing is mostly manifested with us and blowing things out of proportion…is that bc of OCD….do you know of any thing or websites I could learn more about it??? Thanks Again
it is 100% OCD with whatever else is emotonally going on inside of him… belive me i ca totally and i mean totally relate to your last arguement with him.. if things were i little better with my wife i would tell her to describe her experience with me.. and thats the point iwant to make. he need to start doing things like talking and reading about it and addresing whatever past issues . i waited to long and my life is a mess right now.. im 48 and i didnt knew anything about ocd until a read a newspaper article 10 years ago back in Vzla. and i started to cry…Set some parameter with him..like How come you would be dealing with all this BS if you wanted to be with another man,, things like that and dont let he flipflop ask him until he give thoughful answer..set parameters for when hes about to blow .. for he to give himself some time before scaling up the conflict. for him to purposely think whats going ownand the concecuences of the action taken.does he have friends,goes out with them. play sports etc is hes life so molded to yuors like he pretends yours to be to his?iyou can find some books at barnes and noble iread a couple. etc but i mostly write from experience
He really doesnt hang out with his friends much…. He plays in a band at his church and has rehearsals and then plays on Sunday for services…Besides that his time is very empty…. He has friends that he talks to on the phone and computer but her rarely ever goes out with them….He has had this since he has been 8. He has been to counceling when he was younger he says…But not recently….