Today was awful, to say the least, I was thinking of telling my parents about the true me, in other words, me being bisexual or pansexual or something. I don’t know and I don’t care and that feels like shit, why do I need to tell my parents? straight people don’t have to come out, they just need to say that they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, they can walk holding hands without fear, why do I need to be different? I don’t remember if I wrote that already, but I was almost raped 3 or 4 times, the first time I was 6 and I don’t remember things well, but I know it almost happened the reason it didn’t is that a girl called Anita found us and saved me the other times are recent, it was in camp, I don’t know why he didn’t do it, but I’m glad he didn’t, he used to hold me and kiss me and touch me in place, (I’m crying writing this) he told me “Tell a living soul and I will kill you.” I was so scared and I didn’t tell anyone. In my geography class, we had an exercise that we had to think about the most fearful moment we had in our lives and I automatically thought about camp and he touching me, I’ve been having panic attacks, where I can’t move or breath and I start shaking and crying, I had 5 at home, 2 at school almost 3, the third one was in this geography class. People are stupid, they are fake, faker than a barbie doll, the don’t care how you feel or why, they are only interested in talking to you if your smiling and so happy your jumping, one of my panic attacks happened in PE in the first week the memories were so fresh and I cried at least 4 times a day and when I was running, I remember him and I couldn’t breathe anymore that was my second panic attack, I said I was going to faint and I went to the bathroom, people say I just didn’t want to run, they don’t even imagine that the reason I couldn’t run is that I was having a panic attack and because I wasn’t eating properly for a month, people are dumb they judge you even though the only thing they know about you is your name, your age, your class, and who I dated, in that geography class I realized, im never going to have memories like the other girls in my class, the most fearful moment they had was falling off a tree or when their favorite player got hurt in the middle of the game, im never going to be like that I was bullied since 2 grade until middle of 5 grade, I had more fake friend that you can count on your fingers, i was almost raped 4 times, ive been blackmailed, i cut myself, i dont eat because i think im fat, i have drepression and anixenty, im never going to be normal kid…


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